Your best man may not have the heart to tell you what he wants differently in the bedroom, but he certainly will ask for you to try new things or simply to enter the bedroom with him. But moms? Well, we hesitate to ask for anything different in bed lest we hurt the male ego, which can brood silently for weeks, months, and years without a word until bam — he's snapped! You don't want to hurt Dad's feelings if he's not quite hitting the spot in the bedroom, but in a healthy relationship you should be able to ask for something you want (within reason) and the person should be willing to at least hear you out. Here are some ways you can gently nudge your man to be better in the bedroom without releasing the wrath of khan or ending up in divorce court!
Do the Work For Him With Confidence and Play
Confidence and play make the medicine go down in the most delightful way when done carefully. So if his spoon full of sugar isn't quite right, whether it's a particular position or oral sex technique, take the lead! Ask to switch positions, or ask him if you can show him how you love it. Tell him it would make you so happy to do the work and let him sit back and watch (and hopefully) learn.
Who doesn't like to be praised? If we don't love what our man is doing, we can say "That hurts" or "That doesn't feel right to me." These phrases don't accuse him as being not good enough but address the actual act itself. Then, follow up with praise — a ton of praise. Think about how you feel if your partner says he doesn't like something you are doing, saying, or wearing, etc. Follow up your request with a positive, like, "I really love when you do X," and tell him how sexy you find him. Women aren't the only ones who need and want praise and attention from their partners, ladies!
My dad and guy friends tell me that they're the ones doing most of the initiating when it comes to sex with their partners. Whether you're a passive or aggressive bed partner, take the initiative and tell your partner what you want — not what you don't want! It's like anything else in life: focus on the positive, and if he's doing something you don't like, replace it with an alternative behavior you would love! For example, if he's big into feet and you just cannot deal, instead, bring him to another part of your body or suggest another sexual activity like dirty talk or role play — something that really makes you let loose. Your partner wants to see you thrilled. Men love to please their women — at least the good ones always do! Don't be a downer or complainer. Instead: suggest and take the lead.
Being in a marriage with a healthy sex life means that the two of you:
- Communicate with respect about your needs.
- Recognize the need to change it up lest it become stale, boring sex.
- Initiate and touch each other, and keep the sexual side of your marriage alive because it's the only single solitary thing that makes your marriage different from your other relationships!