Justin Baldoni Interview on Being a Dad 2018

POPSUGAR: Why was it important for you to partner with the National Peanut Board?

Justin Baldoni: For Emily and I, it was really important because we wanted to make sure we had a better shot at not worrying about all the different foods Maxwell was eating. When we heard about this LEAP study, we called our pediatrician, and he basically said, "This is great; let's do it." The fact that it can drastically reduce his chances of having a peanut allergy, by introducing it to him so early, we thought, "Why not give it a shot?"

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PS: What techniques are you using to introduce peanuts to your son?

JB: Maxwell is primarily fed breast milk, and the first thing he ever tried that wasn't breast milk was peanuts. All we do is mix some of Emily's breast milk into a cup and put peanut powder in. You mix it together and it kind of turns into peanut butter; he eats it, and he loves it. It's super simple!

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PS: Switching gears a bit, your Instagram bio once said "dad" before anything else — do you consider yourself a father first?

JB: I think right now I would. I think for most of my life, I was so focused on me, my own journey, and my own well-being, but then I met my wife and it wasn't about me anymore. It was about us, and then we had kids. When you have kids, you kind of realize that all the stuff you're doing is really just for them. One thing I've realized is the choices I make today are going to be their memories tomorrow. I would consider myself a dad first, but I think it's interchangeable with husband as well.

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PS: Do you think it's important for "dad" and "husband" to be interchangeable?

JB: It's really important to water your marriage. I think what you water grows, and sometimes I really do think as parents, we can forget we're married because we put so much energy into our kids. That's something Emily and I are working really hard to not have happen, which is making sure we have time for ourselves. We're figuring out ways to both water our kids and water our marriage. It was your love in the first place that brought these children into existence, and you have to keep that love going.

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PS: If there were one thing you could instill into your children, what would it be?

JB: I can't pick one thing, but I would say, and it sounds so cliché, for them to love deeply despite the pain that it can and will cause. Unfortunately, we all get hurt, and we tend to be hurt by the ones that we love the most. Our parents hurt us growing up, our friends hurt us, our partners hurt us, and we lose trust. I hope my kids grow up knowing that everything in this world and this life happens for their benefit, even if it hurts.

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PS: How do you balance work and being a dad and a spouse?

JB: Poorly [laughs]. I'm very happy to broadcast that I don't have it figured out. That's a struggle for me because I also feel guilty when I'm gone so much. It's important that men, women, moms, and dads talk about it. The more we talk about it and the more we put ourselves out there, I think the less alone we will all feel and the more solution-oriented positions we can find ourselves in.

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PS: Is there one thing you always like to make sure you're present for?

JB: Nighttime is a big deal for me; we have a little routine, so I FaceTime my wife when I'm not there. I have specific things I say to my daughter before she goes to bed. In general, there is not just one thing; I just like to be there. I want these memories to feel like even though I'm not physically there, I'm still there. That's the intention of how I'm trying to be a father and failing a lot as well.

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PS: How would you say you and your wife split your parenting duties?

JB: My wife does most of it. She's just a superhero! I love changing my son and daughter's diapers. We're going to potty-train her soon, so the moment I get to change her diaper and look down at her is so sweet for me. Those are things that I take in. Someone once told me, "Being a parent is one of the only times you feel nostalgia for the present." I definitely have that feeling a lot, and I think to myself, "Oh man, this little phase is going to end soon and I'm going to miss it." I think as long as I have that in my head, it always will make me try as much as I can to do an equal amount of work at home.

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PS: In your 2017 TED Talk, you spoke about how your dad raised you — is that the way you want to raise your kids?

JB: I'm really grateful that my dad wasn't that macho man, but he also was in his own way. The way that he concealed his suffering, his pain, and our family struggles when we had them is a very stereotypical macho trait. I'm grateful for that because if he would have been that guy, I think I would have tried harder to be that guy, and I don't think that's inherently who I am. As I'm thinking about raising Maxwell, I want him to grow up seeing his dad comfortable in himself and confident but also aware of his insecurities, open about his struggles, and seeing me as someone that sees vulnerabilities as strengths.

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PS: What about for your daughter?

JB: The exact same thing for my daughter, too! Because we all have our own unconscious biases, her teachers will speak to her differently than they will speak to the boys. She's going to grow up already being more in touch with her emotions and her femininity because that's the way the world will see her. It's my job as a father to make sure the qualities in her that we generally nurture in our son, she gets nurtured too. Her bravery, her strength, her toughness, her intelligence, and her perseverance . . . those are all things I'm already talking to her about. I think it's important to be intentional about the way we differentiate raising our children.

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