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Pooping in the Delivery Room

Why Didn't Anybody Tell Me About the Delivery Room's Dirty Little Secret?

There are many things about labor that you can't possibly imagine until you've experienced them. One of the best-kept dirty secrets? Poop!

I thought I was just having stomach issues when I went into labor, which is unusual for me. I can chow down on jalapeños, sodas, and ice cream in one sitting without tummy ramifications. That night, however, I must have visited the throne 15 times before I finally realized my baby was making her way out. As she began to push her way out into the world, she rested heavily on my bowels. A common experience for many laboring women, I was actually quite relieved, thinking there would be nothing left once I made it to the delivery room.

Once in the hospital, the contractions took the place of the stomachaches. After I got the epidural, I felt zero pain — not even the contractions. Relieved that my restroom trips had come to a halt, I rested and waited for a couple more hours until I was ready to push.

Nearly seven hours after my first labor pains, I laid in a hospital bed ready to meet my child. As I began pushing, I described my experience as a "good workout." Nearing the final heaves, I could tell that the birth was coming soon. I looked at the nurses in the room and said, "I am going to address the big elephant in the room. I don't want to poop on the table!" They all laughed at me and said, "It's not a big deal if you do. Most everyone does." Whining, I said, "But I really DON'T want to!" And just then, I pushed. The baby did not come out, but something else did. Right there with a wipe and a smile, the nurse took care of me the way I was to take care of my newborn in the near future.

At my last ob-gyn appointment, I asked my doctor how many of her patients deliver number two before they produce a baby. She said 75 percent! And, she admitted that she slyly omits the poopy fact from her patients in an effort to make them feel less humiliated.

Tell me — did you deliver numero dos before you had your baby, too?

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