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Sutton Foster Interview About Adoption and Motherhood
Sutton Foster
Sutton Foster's Empowering Adoption Story Proves That Becoming a Mom in Your 40s Is an Incredible Gift
What the IVF Sperm Donor Selection Process Is Really Like
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What It's Really Like to Pick Your Baby's Father Through a Donor Bank
How to Prepare For Motherhood When You've Lost Your Mother
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My Mom Died When I Was 6; Now My Stepmom Is Showing Me How to Love My Daughter
Transracial Adoption Experience
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How Being a Transracial Adoptee Shaped — but Nearly Shattered — My Self-Identity
Choosing to Have a Baby With a Surrogate
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How I Came to the Difficult Decision to Have a Baby Through a Surrogate

Reasons Not to Find Out Baby's Gender

I'm Not Finding Out My Baby's Gender — and the Reason Is Pretty Simple

Some moms-to-be just can't wait to find out the sex of their baby, decorate the nursery with the appropriate colors, and choose the perfect name.

I have friends who had tutus and pink bows in their Etsy cart just waiting for their gender test results to come in so they could click "purchase." Another couple were a nervous wreck waiting to see if they would have what they wanted — the pressure they put on themselves to have a boy was unbelievable. Today, it's almost standard to find out the sex of the baby as soon as possible, but my husband and I are choosing to wait.

We could have found out the sex of the baby as early as 10 weeks into the pregnancy. My husband actually works in medical sales for Progenity, a lab that runs prenatal screening tests that determine genetic complications but also reveal the baby's gender, so it would have been very easy. But that wasn't our priority.

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Before I got pregnant, my husband and I talked about how important these genetic carrier tests were for us, for assessing the health of the baby and the pregnancy. It was always our plan to have the tests done, but after careful thought, we decided we had no desire to use the test to find out much more than that. To us, it wasn't about focusing on finding out the baby's gender but making sure he or she is healthy. After being what we consider blessed and having almost no trouble conceiving — our baby is pretty much a honeymoon baby — we were truly just grateful to be able to get pregnant and stay pregnant; having a healthy baby is enough for us.

While we are excited to be surprised in the delivery room, some of our friends and family were pretty annoyed at our decision. Our choice has been met with tons of judgment from family and friends. People really love to tell you why it's wrong to wait to find out the sex of the baby: "How will you decorate the nursery? What will you register for? So you have to have two names? But what do you want? What are you hoping for?" We are just grateful for this miracle we've made; can you let us enjoy this thrill?

Every day we imagine our family of three. Some days we are pregnant with a boy and we joke about how I would be outnumbered. Then the next day, my husband says he just knows he'll be wrapped around her finger. When everything is so instant and accessible, it feels special to us to have a surprise waiting for us at the end of our pregnancy journey. Regardless of the sex of this baby, he or she is equally the perfect mix of my husband and me, and 100 percent loved.

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