The 6 Things I Never Expected Would Happen When My Child Went to School For the First Time

As soon as I confirmed my daughter's first day of school several months ago, I plopped that date into my calendar and set that as the starting line for when things would begin to really change. I should have reminded myself of all the other tasks and appointments that would pop up before then. I spent a good chunk of early August lining up babysitters so I could attend a handful of parent-teacher orientations and preschool open houses. I was glad to have those opportunities to acclimate myself with my child's new school, but I had no idea what a time commitment it would be.

My child was at home full-time with a nanny up until her first day of school — a childcare decision that I always had immense mixed emotions about. After a solid year of second-guessing our setup, this Summer, I'd literally counted down the days until she would finally be in a school environment, where she could socialize with kids her own age and learn the things that her peers were already picking up on in day care. It didn't take long before I realized that she wasn't behind because she hadn't been in a school setting before. And quite on the contrary, I then began to worry whether she started school too soon, if I shouldn't have rushed her into a daily grind that she'll experience for the next 15 or so years of her life. Of course, I'm doing my best not to overthink it — I only wish I had learned that lesson far sooner.

Before, I could trace any bad (or good) habits with relative ease. When my toddler picked her nose for a week straight, I knew just the playmate who taught her that "skill," and when she woefully said her first curse word, I was able to trace it back to, well, me. Conversely, when she said "ready, steady, go" instead of "ready, set, go," I knew it was a phrase she picked up from her British babysitter. But now, when my kid comes home from school with a new party trick, I have no easy way of retracing the origins. In all honesty, it doesn't even make much difference — but, for better or worse, I loved feeling like a gifted detective.

I knew that when I sent my first-born to school, I'd be relinquishing a lot of control — whether it was over the things she learned, the food she ate, or the people she surrounded herself with. I was even warned by seasoned parents to "pick my battles." But as a Type A mom, even I was shocked at the amount of things I felt compelled to speak up about. For example, when a recent school memo came home that referenced a lesson involving "policemen and firemen," I instantly wanted to swoop in and demand answers as to just how gender roles are being discussed in her classroom. Finding the balance between speaking up and entrusting my child's teachers to do their jobs is one of those struggles that I don't foresee getting any easier as the months go by.

One of the benefits to my older daughter going to school was that, at long last, my 18-month-old child would finally get some undivided attention. She'd no longer have to go along for the ride in whatever the oldest wanted to do, and I thought that was nothing but good news. However, to my surprise, that first week was perhaps hardest on — no, not the child setting off on a new adventure — the one who was left behind. I hadn't put any thought into preparing my little one for this change when she probably needed it most.

With each passing day that my child comes home from school, I feel as though the space between us widens by the smallest measure. It's virtually undetectable, but I feel it — she's starting to experience a bigger world beyond the four walls of the home she's been dwelling in with her immediate family, and that means that the space I take up in her world is only getting smaller. I am trying to remind myself that this is a normal, healthy part of life, but it's one of the most bittersweet realizations I've ever had as a parent — one that makes me wonder why I ever wanted to fast-forward to this day so quickly instead of delaying that darling back-to-school photo op for as long as possible.