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Things Women Think While Trying to Get Pregnant

25 Secret Thoughts Every Woman Has While Trying to Conceive

Trying to conceive is a unique and wild ride. Unlike previous sexual encounters where the end game was to, uh, "finish," now your goal is to make that little pregnancy stick show a plus sign. Unlike all the after-school specials we watched as teenagers, getting pregnant might take more than a quickie under some bleachers. There's apps, books, thermometers, and each month feels like the longest one ever . . . until the next month, that is. Whether this is the first go-around or the fourth, these are things that every woman has thought at least once while trying to get pregnant.

  1. "Alright, that was my last period, here we go!" Hoping to say "sayonara" to periods is at least 20 percent of the joy of getting pregnant.
  2. "Am I really ready to do this thing?" I know I'm ready, but like, am I ready ready? Ready to devote a week to sex? Ready to track my cycle? Ready to have a kid (or a second kid)? I just don't know.
  3. "How many pregnancy tests can I buy without looking like a weirdo?" Don't mind me as I stack my basket with a dozen different tests.
  4. "TTC, DPO, BFN . . . what the f*ck do these all mean?" Learning the vernacular can be tricky, and it's yet another way to realize you've entered an overwhelming world.
  5. "I have a hard enough time keeping track of my work schedule, let alone my ovulation schedule." How did people get pregnant in the past without all these great apps?
  6. "Should I be scheduling our sex?" We're in the middle of binge-watching that show, should I schedule it before or after?
  7. "How many times is enough?" Five? Ten? It's so hard to know how many times to do it.
  8. "Yes to all the sex, assuming I can stay awake." When it doesn't feel a little monotonous, all the extra sex can be fun.
  9. "Let's do the damn thing!" Who cares that I ate onion pizza for dinner? This mama is ready to mingle.
  10. "How long do I need to lay here before I can get cleaned up?" The last thing I want to do is risk some spillage.
  11. "Seriously, can someone get me a podcast to listen to while I try to keep it all in?" So bored just lying here, and now I want to take a shower.
  12. "Oh, let's think about baby names!" No, it's never too early to have a list going of baby names.
  13. "Why hasn't technology invented a device that lets you test right after sex?" They have driverless cars and robotic surgeons, so they should have a way to test right after sex. Get on this, science!
  14. "But really, is three days postsex too soon?" Yes, definitely too early.
  15. "Ugh, waiting is the absolute worst." But, of course, don't stress about it, because stress can decrease your chances.
  16. "Is that a tingle in my breast?" Time to check for every minor symptom possible.
  17. "Why do I care so much?" I've lived my life great up until this point, why am I getting so worked up over this?
  18. "I think I feel pregnant!" I can't tell if that's morning sickness or if that breakfast burrito I got from the taco truck isn't sitting well.
  19. "What if I never get pregnant?" Take trying to conceive one cycle at a time, and it's best to not get too worked up over potential infertility right away.
  20. "Now I'm thinking about all the times I prayed I wasn't pregnant. What if I missed my only shot?" That wasn't the right baby and the right time.
  21. "I wonder what my family will think." Bringing family into this conversation could be great, or it could make things really awkward.
  22. "Oh, God, ew. Is this what my parents did to have me?" Just try to not think about it.
  23. "Three should be enough pregnancy tests to take, just in case." OK, maybe 4. I wouldn't want to take any chances.
  24. "Why does peeing on a stick feel so dramatic and stressful?" This is more stressful than merging onto a busy freeway or trusting a new hairstylist with a pixie cut.
  25. "OK, here we go!" Pregnant or not, I am totally ready.
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