10 Ways to Give Your Child More Independence Without Freaking Yourself Out

Independence can start with something as simple as letting your kids play in your own backyard without you hovering. Set boundaries about where they can roam and what activities are forbidden (i.e. throwing rocks at their sister) and discreetly check in regularly. You're still giving your children the illusion of being on their own.

Even as young as preschool, your kids will probably start being invited to play dates where you're not expected to stick around. Of course, only agree to do so with parents you know and trust, but then, let it go. Your child can learn a lot by being around a new family and home environment, and not having mom around can help build independence.

It can be hard not to give up control of your kids' rooms. I mean, you spent so much time, energy, and money making them cute. But, bigger kids can gain independence and learn responsibility if you let them take ownership of their own spaces, requiring them to keep them tidy but not having unrealistic expectations about what that means — or taking over if even your realistic expectations aren't always met.

Carpooling definitely has its advantages, one of them being you're proving to your child that you trust them to be responsible with their own possessions and to get from point A to point B without you. You know you've vetted the parent driving and trust them to provide any help your kid needs, but your child feels a sense of self-sufficiency.

Around first or second grade, consider letting your child walk a block or two to a friend's house without you holding their hand on the journey. Truth be told, I only let my 7-year-old daughter do this when she's going to see a friend whose mom's number is in my phone. I text when she leaves the house, the friend's mom texts me when she arrives, but my daughter doesn't have to know that.

Summer camp is another great way to give your child a sense of independence in an environment that you know is relatively safe and supervised. Even if your child isn't a huge fan of sleepovers, you might be surprised at how much they love the camp experience. More than one of my daughter's 7-year-old friends begged their moms to let them stay an additional week at sleepaway camp next Summer.

Knives, easy-to-break glass, and spillable items fill our kitchens, making many a mom reluctant to give their children free rein. However, once your child is old enough to pour their own drinks and cut up their own fruits and veggies, let them own those jobs. Not only will your child gain a sense of self-sufficiency, but what parent doesn't want a little help in the kitchen (and to have to get their kids fewer snacks)?!

Our kids see us buying things all the time, so it makes sense that most are interested in money. Start teaching them about how finances work by letting them fill a piggy bank with money they earn from household chores and are gifted on birthdays and holidays; then let them choose how to spend that money, even when you don't agree with those choices. Another great way to let them practice handling money independently: send your first or second grader into a convenience store to buy milk. She'll have to choose among the options, count money, and interact with the checkout person, all of which are sure to build confidence and a sense of autonomy.

Around age 11 or 12, your child is probably mature enough to be dropped off in a safe environment, like the movies, a library, or a local coffee shop, for a couple of hours without parental supervision. You know your child and their friends best, so use your own judgment about where they're ready to venture. A solo adventure lets them practice keeping to a schedule, managing money, and interacting with the world without a parent's guiding hand.