I speak to a lot of women, a lot. And so many stories sound so similar to each other.. You conceive a baby... You...Posted by Constance Hall on Monday, July 10, 2017
You conceive a baby . . .
You sacrifice everything to be a mom: sleep, your body, the time you spend on your hair, sh*tting alone, drinking, socializing.
While your partner sacrifices . . . some of his money . . . a bit of his weekend . . .
So after sacrificing everything to have the child, you're scrutinized, your choices judged, despite your 24-hour days being about making decisions for your child.
Yet, Constance thinks that when it comes to questioning or scrutinizing dads over these same parenting decisions, they escape the judgments relatively easily while moms get the brunt of it all — both physically and emotionally. "Your child drives you batsh*t crazy and you lose your patience, your libido got the f*ck out of here with your patience somewhere between your lover never waking with the baby and his expectations of a hot dinner as he graces you with his presence. . . . after a pub detour," she wrote. "Your children fall asleep and the guilt floods your heart. How could you lose your temper on this angel?"
Finally, it's nighttime, but instead of sleeping and getting the much-needed rest to face the next day, many moms are busy doubting every decision they made that day. "And you hate yourself because you can't be f*cked f*cking, your temper is short, your house is a mess and you never went back to f*cking work so your inner feminist is constantly whispering what a shitty role model you have become . . . to yourself," she wrote. "So maybe . . . we need to go all the way back to the beginning . . . maybe sacrificing everything wasn't the answer after all . . . "
To combat the resentment, battle the frustration, prevent yelling at the kids, and keep moms from ignoring their lovers, Constance has a fresh suggestion. "What if we shared the sleep deprivation? What if we let our community help us so we could do that f*cking art course or save up for that solo holiday that became a distant memory the minute we conceived, or just watch Ellen in god damn peace," she wrote. "What if from the very beginning we demanded more from our sexuality? Like maybe even an orgasm . . . "
If moms valued themselves from the beginning, received equal help, and weren't afraid to ask for additional support when they needed it, Constance believes moms would no longer have a reason to feel guilt and hate themselves. "The sacrificial mother is a thing of the past. You owe it to your kids to put yourself first," Constance wrote. "Teach them that being a mother means showing them what it really means to be a women . . . and f*ck folding the washing. Your life is coming back. You are coming back."