Of all the shows I've been forced to watch on repeat — aside from freakin' Caillou — Peppa Pig is hands-down the absolute worst thing on television. There are a million things I'd rather do than watch another episode of this godforsaken show, but alas, it's all kids ever want on, despite the many educational and bearable shows out in the wide media world.
If you hate Peppa Pig despite your child's affinity for the pink pig and all her little animal friends (all of whom she's willing to unfriend at the drop of a hat, by the way), you may agree with the following reasons why.
- The f*cking sound effects. There are just so. many. noises. in this show. And I swear if I hear one more snort from either animated pig or human child, I will lose my ever-loving sh*t.
- The body image disasters. All I've got to say is, poor Daddy Pig. For real, y'all. Why are we letting our kids watch a show in which a man (pig) has to face constant criticism for having a "big belly" and loving cookies and pies. Who doesn't love cookies and pies?! Leave the man (pig) alone! Our kids have a lifetime ahead of them of media standards to compare their bodies to. Is it so hard to keep animal cartoons free of judgments?
- Peppa doesn't stop talking. Peppa never stops talking about how she hates everything, which your kids will use as inspiration to hate everything. Even when she likes something, she doesn't stop talking about it. When you think she's done talking, she's not; she's still talking. Hear that? That damn pig is still talking in my memories of her I'm forcing myself to conjure up to write this.
- The narrator is being paid to do literally nothing. Even though Peppa never stops talking (see point 3), all the narrator ever does is reiterate what Peppa has just said, no matter how mundane it may be. Thank you sir, but I think even the youngest of children don't need that much repetition to grasp what's going on in Peppa's life at any given time.
- Peppa Pig is an asshole. Between putting her dad down for his size and sweet preferences constantly, bossing around her friends, bullying her little brother, and being a general know-it-all, she's just an all-around jerk who is far from the type of role model I need my kids looking up to and emulating. Not only that, but does she have to freakin' support our kids wanting to jump into muddy puddles all the time? Yeah, they're kids, let them live . . . I get it — but come. on.