How to Talk to Girls About Their Bodies at Every Age
How your daughter views her body can have a lasting impact on both her physical and emotional health. Starting from when your little girl is a tot, she starts absorbing messages regarding body image and self-worth. As her parent, what you say and do matters, especially when it comes to talking about physical appearance and weight, even when it isn't directed at her. This means that it's important to realize how you can help (or harm) your little girl at every step of her development.
According to research from the Center For Disease Control and National Association of Eating Disorders, this is a topic that parents of girls should consider at every age and not just immediately before or after puberty. At just 6 years old, girls start showing concern for their weight or appearance, and by the time kids hit elementary school, half of them are worried about their weight or becoming fat.
While every child is different, check out these helpful tips for how to talk to your daughter about her body depending on her age.
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Ages 0-4
- Use appropriate vocabulary: Use the correct anatomical terminology instead of pet names when referring to different parts of the body. Not only does this educate your child, but it also teaches her not to be ashamed of any part of her body.
- Praise the entire package: Even if your child is the cutest little thing you've ever seen, make sure that you aren't just complimenting her on how cute she is. Your daughter needs to learn from a young age that she isn't just a pretty little girl but that she's also smart, brave, and strong. By diversifying your praise beyond physical attributes, you will show her that these qualities are of even more value than appearances.
- Embrace her observations: At this age, kids can so the darnedest things, but don't set the precedent that certain physical attributes are bad or should be ashamed of. If she points out your tummy or stretch marks, use this as an opportunity to teach her how proud you are of your body instead of telling her that it isn't nice to comment on the size of someone's belly. By keeping a neutral or educational response and embracing her thoughts or questions, she won't start thinking that certain body types are better than others.
Ages 5-8
- Keep your own insecurities out of it: Even if you don't make disparaging remarks directed at your daughter's body, she will pick up on your own insecurities the more you voice them. Stay away from complimenting her body by putting yourself down or saying things like "I wish I had a figure like yours." She will pick up on what you don't like and start judging herself by those standards.
- Make it a family affair: Focus on health and strength versus weight and size. When nutrition is a family priority, your child won't feel singled out or have a negative association between food and body image.
- Make it age appropriate: Although your little one might be in a rush to grow up, have an open conversation about what trends and styles might be too mature for her age, even if they come in her size. Teach her how to appreciate her body exactly the way it is now instead of being in a rush to change.
- Don't point out other women negatively: Remember, the standards you set for other women, even adults and celebrities, will be the same standards that your little girl starts to compare herself to.
Ages 9-12
- Emphasize health and not diets or weight: Focus the dialogue on learning healthy habits and how to have a strong body instead of emphasizing dissatisfaction over specific attributes.
- Encourage activity for a strong body, not for losing weight: Your daughter should know that strength is power and that she should work out and play sports because they bring her joy and condition her body. If she views working out as a punishment for her size or as the only way she can look like a magazine cover, she may develop an unhealthy relationship with physical activity.
- Start the conversation early: Your child's body will start undergoing changes before she starts her period, and it's important to start the conversation at a young age. This will ensure that she knows that these changes are normal, is as prepared as possible instead of scared when they start, and already feels comfortable talking to you about them.
- Stick to the present and not the future: Part of teaching your daughter to love her body is helping her to see how wonderful she is now, just the way she is. Instead of focusing on what could be, like when her chest fills in or whether she loses a few pounds, make sure that she appreciates her body at every stage.
- Don't compare: It doesn't matter if her friend is an early or late bloomer, big or small, athletic or uncoordinated — avoid comparing your daughter to her friends. Not only can this cause her to see her friend in a new light, but it also adds pressure to your child and encourages them to view themselves against this criteria.
Ages 13-16
- Have open lines of communication, not formal discussions: No matter how awkward the topic, work to ensure that conversations about body image are informal and comfortable in order to avoid putting pressure on the topic.
- Practice what you preach: Part of teaching your daughter to love and respect her body is by treating your own body the same way. Focus on being healthy instead of thin and avoid making disparaging remarks about yourself.
- Take the numbers out of the equation: While BMI, clothing size, and weight are common numbers to discuss in relation to bodies and health, don't make them the focus of the conversation or something for your child to obsess or feel shame over.
Ages 16+
- Teach respect: Another part of helping your daughter develop healthy self-esteem is teaching her to respect herself and her body. Discuss how others should treat her, both physically and emotionally, and that how she portrays herself on social media can impact this.
- Respect her privacy: Although you might want to push certain conversations at this age, you should also start to respect her boundaries and the choices she makes with her body. Let her know that you are always free to talk, judgment free, but don't make her feel like talking is required or will be used against her.
- Play the devil's advocate: Whenever she expresses displeasure with a physical attribute, acknowledge her feelings but also remind her how lucky she is to be happy and healthy. Pointing out something that she should be grateful for and bringing up how people always want what they don't have — like those with straight hair always wanting curly hair or those who are tall wanting to be shorter — will help put her "problems" into perspective.