15 Things About Divorce Only Divorced People Will Understand

Updated on 6/15/2018 at 3:05 PM

When you've been through the trenches, you know how the war goes. That's exactly how it is when you've been through a divorce. You've lived to tell the tale. You've earned the battle scars . . . and the right to heal. Sure, divorce is more common today, and people who are married or single can understand the pains and gains of such a massive split, but they don't really understand it the way someone who is divorced does. When you've actually watched your marriage — that former fairy tale you used to dream about — crumble, it's life changing on so many levels. It can feel isolating and lonely, but there truly is a whole tribe of people who know exactly how you feel. Keep reading for 20 relatable things only divorced people will get.

You Feel Happy About Something So Devastating

Only people who have been divorced understand how happy you can be about something that is also — for you and for many other people — devastating.

A Small Trinket Can Have So Much Meaning

Maybe it's an old CD you used to listen to together, or a mug they always used for their morning coffee, but every small thing was a part of a life you built together. And it's usually the smallest of trinkets that can have the most meaning.

You Can Detest Someone You Once Really Loved

While everyone hopes (and should try) to have a peaceful divorce, it's not unusual to detest an ex . . . and people who are divorced get this!

Every Whisper or Conversation Can Make You Self-Conscious

Are people talking about your divorce again? Are they gossiping about what went wrong? People who have been through it know how the aftermath can feel a little like high school.

How Tough It Can Be For You and Your Kids

No matter how hard you try, one parent just isn't around as much as your kid is used to after divorce. And you? Nobody knows the completely unique challenges of single parenthood like someone who's been there, done that.

Those First Few Months Alone Feel So Complex

Being single again after committing yourself to someone else for the rest of your life is . . . complicated. Those first few months on your own are invigorating, tiring, lonely, wonderful, and sad all at the same time.

Losing Pet Custody Can Be Either a Blessing or a Curse

You either never have to see that pet that you really didn't like anyway ever again, or you have to lose precious time with your best friend when the kids are away. It's an awkward setup that someone who has gotten divorced or went through a breakup can really understand.

Watching Someone Pack (or Packing Up All Your Stuff) Is Surreal

Saying goodbye after a breakup is one thing, but if you lived together, watching them pack their stuff is on an entirely different level. And packing when you're the one leaving during a divorce? Even worse. The finality of it all is something nobody can explain.

It's Incredibly Hard to Tell the Kids

No matter how many books you read on divorce, you're never going to feel prepared enough for the moment you tell the kids. It also usually never turns out exactly as you planned, but it's best to still think about what you're going to say ahead of time.

It Feels Strange and Good When You Kiss Someone New

When you thought you'd be with one person for the rest of your life and then you're with someone new, it's odd, amazing, and anxiety-inducing all rolled into one.

You Feel Incredibly Vulnerable When Telling Your Parents

You're not sure how they'll react unless you know they don't like your spouse. Having to come to them with this piece of information is tough, and when you've been there, you really get how vulnerable it feels to tell your parents that your marriage is done.

It's Beyond Frightening to Start Over

People know divorce isn't easy, but people who have been divorced know that starting over can be one of the most terrifying things you ever do in your entire life. Despite the risk and uncertainty, you know it's so worth it!

It's Extremely Isolating

Socializing and joining the world again as one can be isolating after living so long as "two."

You Really Need the Love and Support of Others

Even if you don't want to admit it . . . a hug could make or break your day.

The Other Person Can Still Be Hurtful

You have to unravel two lives that were so closely intertwined, and, unlike a clean breakup, that can take a lot of time. There can still be nastiness behind the scenes that no one else can understand quite like someone who has been divorced can.