"If you don't quit smoking, I'll . . ."
The Fight: Often ultimatums, these fights seemingly have no solution. "Let's say he smokes and you hate it, but they aren't willing to let it go," Schwartz says. "Or your partner's on their cell phone too often but won't minimize the habit. Or they love their dog who's incontinent, and you don't want to take care of a pet. As long as the dog's alive, you've got something you didn't sign up for."
The Fix: Irreconcilable differences might seem like the boiler-plate reason for divorce, Schwartz maintains that it's a term simply to recognize that "some relationships have unfixable problems" and doesn't necessarily mean they're doomed. It does, however, mean, that it's "your job to recognize that and accept it," she says. "You're just in the acceptance category where you're not going to get rid of the offending thing, you just aren't. But you're going to figure out a way to accept it and to minimize its effect on you. There are things like that where people learn to live with them all the time."