5 Ways to Boost Your Sex Life That Even the Sleepiest of Parents Can Get on Board With

When you're a worn-out parent with a million things going on, it gets pretty easy to cross off "having sex" from your giant to-do list. Most people with kids don't have the time or the energy for things like cosplay, shutting their bedroom door for an extended period of time, or renting a hotel room, nor does any new parent I know have the brainpower to send a spontaneous, NSFW text to their partner. Instead of feeling guilty or inadequate for being tired (so, so tired), all you need are some easy, actionable tips to get that spark back and maintain that all-important physical and emotional connection. Ready? Let's do this.

01
Try Some Sweet Words
Unsplash/Tanja Heffner

Try Some Sweet Words

Here's a novel form of foreplay: lay together quietly while he gives you compliments (the more specific the compliments are, the better). You'll instantly feel more connected, which will greatly increase your desire to be intimate.

02
Hug It Out
Unsplash/Pablo Heimplatz

Hug It Out

Hugging, giving your partner's shoulder a squeeze, or slinging your legs over them while you're watching TV boosts levels of oxytocin, or "the bonding hormone." My relationship therapist friends have said that nonsexual touching outside the bedroom can lead to more sexual touching in the bedroom.

03
Aim For Once a Week (That's Doable, Right?)
Unsplash/Becca Tapert

Aim For Once a Week (That's Doable, Right?)

Believe it or not, couples who have sex just once a week are happiest, according to a long-term study of over 30,000 people. Another survey of sex researchers by the Sexual Health and Relationships Lab at the University of Toronto found that the optimum length for sex is a mere 7-13 minutes. Even the most fried parents can manage seven minutes a week.

04
Have the More Deprived Partner Up Their Game
Unsplash/Toa Heftiba

Have the More Deprived Partner Up Their Game

Research shows that during the first year of parenthood among straight couples, men are less satisfied with their sex lives. If that's the case in your relationship, he needs to innovate. Have him put the kids to bed a half hour earlier so you don't lose precious sleep time, or give you a killer massage to get you in the mood (and not a halfhearted two-minute shoulder scrunch but a 20-minute one . . . complete with oils).

05
Kiss Like You Mean It
Unsplash/Kevar Whilby

Kiss Like You Mean It

Try making out for 15 minutes with no obligation to do anything further. Yes, it's the most obvious reverse psychology in the world, but more often than not, the slow buildup, emotional connection, rich concentration of nerve receptors in our lips, and aura of the forbidden result in some action.