PS: I want to bring up infertility. You've written, "Were we to live in a different world, one in which people [approach] parenthood as an attempt rather than a given, we could avoid many heartbreaks as women and individuals." How do we begin to shift the approach?
MR: So many women who suffer from infertility — or who cannot have children for whatever reason — often feel "less than" within their womanhood. The same goes for women who struggle to become pregnant, or who feel the pressure of the "biological clock" ticking. I feel like we have a lot here to learn from queer communities. Queer people have had to wonder whether one day they could have children and how they would have children, if not biologically.
Many people have not even asked themselves how they would have a child if they couldn't rely on their bodies. I feel like we have reached a point socially where it needs to become more acceptable to have adopted and foster children and children conceived through surrogacy or sperm donation. One thing that I've stopped doing is assuming that a child is a biological child. We find it so easy to do this in front of a queer couple, but when it comes to a straight couple, the questions that they receive are endless. We can only culturally shift into a society where all kinds of parenting become acceptable if we stop attaching a stigma or special quality to nonbiological children.
![PS: I want to bring up infertility. You've written, "Were we to live in a different world, one in which people [approach] parenthood as an attempt rather than a given, we could avoid many heartbreaks as women and individuals." How do we begin to shift the approach?
MR: So many women who suffer from infertility — or who cannot have children for whatever reason — often feel "less than" within their womanhood. The same goes for women who struggle to become pregnant, or who feel the pressure of the "biological clock" ticking. I feel like we have a lot here to learn from queer communities. Queer people have had to wonder whether one day they could have children and how they would have children, if not biologically.
Many people have not even asked themselves how they would have a child if they couldn't rely on their bodies. I feel like we have reached a point socially where it needs to become more acceptable to have adopted and foster children and children conceived through surrogacy or sperm donation. One thing that I've stopped doing is assuming that a child is a biological child. We find it so easy to do this in front of a queer couple, but when it comes to a straight couple, the questions that they receive are endless. We can only culturally shift into a society where all kinds of parenting become acceptable if we stop attaching a stigma or special quality to nonbiological children.](https://media1.popsugar-assets.com/files/thumbor/CJFKbO75rtnOVnfDS5pfWV4y4_c/fit-in/1024x1024/filters:format_auto-!!-:strip_icc-!!-/2020/05/07/738/n/24155406/13352e900479096e_woman-in-white-shirt-lying-on-bed-3843396/i/PS-I-want-to-bring-up-infertility.jpg "PS: I want to bring up infertility. You've written, \"Were we to live in a different world, one in which people [approach] parenthood as an attempt rather than a given, we could avoid many heartbreaks as women and individuals.\" How do we begin to shift the approach?
MR: So many women who suffer from infertility — or who cannot have children for whatever reason — often feel \"less than\" within their womanhood. The same goes for women who struggle to become pregnant, or who feel the pressure of the \"biological clock\" ticking. I feel like we have a lot here to learn from queer communities. Queer people have had to wonder whether one day they could have children and how they would have children, if not biologically.
Many people have not even asked themselves how they would have a child if they couldn't rely on their bodies. I feel like we have reached a point socially where it needs to become more acceptable to have adopted and foster children and children conceived through surrogacy or sperm donation. One thing that I've stopped doing is assuming that a child is a biological child. We find it so easy to do this in front of a queer couple, but when it comes to a straight couple, the questions that they receive are endless. We can only culturally shift into a society where all kinds of parenting become acceptable if we stop attaching a stigma or special quality to nonbiological children.")
