30 Truths You Must Come to Accept About Dating a Cat Person

Updated on 3/31/2016 at 5:00 PM

Sometimes my cat wakes me up at 4:45 a.m. by taking a strand of my hair in a single claw and chewing on it loudly while purring incessantly by my ear. Then, she kneads on my arm until I give up on sleep (usually around 5:10 a.m. if it's a good day) and get up with her. Or . . . I hide under the covers until she crawls over me and preys on my boyfriend instead. She doesn't need food or water; she doesn't want to play. She just wants us to be awake, so we wake up. Simple as that, right?

Well, I've been told, by those who are not cat people, certain behaviors regarding my cat that I consider the norm are, in fact, quite odd. Then I roll my eyes and tell fellow cat-loving friends of my plight, and they immediately join in with even weirder stories than my own. Cat people — we just get it. We are a small and steady army of devoted feline-loving friends who you'd be lucky to date. We may have some, um, unique ways about us, but trust me, it will just make you love us even more. My cat and I slowly wore my boyfriend down, and now he is just another member of the Cat Lovers Club. But for the sake of full disclosure, here are a few key things you should know about dating a cat person.

It's pretty easy to make us happy.

If you know what you're doing.

If cats "aren't your thing," don't tell us that.

We'll know eventually. We always know . . .

Yes, we love dogs!

But we love cats more. Deal with it. Oh yeah . . . we love you too.

Don't tell us you're allergic if you're not.

Our cats will know. We will know. And it won't be pretty for you.

If you ARE actually allergic, sorry we are not sorry.

It's called Claritin. Buy a big f*cking pack and quit your whining.

Sometimes we'd rather stay in and snuggle on the couch. With our cat.

But we love when you stay at home with us and snuggle too!

No, we are not always talking to you.

Our cats need stimulating conversation, too.

We are pretty flexible about things like movie options, restaurant choices, etc.

. . . But we don't budge on the big stuff.

Lucky for you, we're open to role-playing games.

Hope you're into Catwoman's vibe.

We have our priorities.

Accept the fact that you are, and ever shall be, our number two.

Don't believe us when we talk sh*t about our kitty.

And definitely do not join in — it's only OK when we say it.

We don't have commitment issues.

In fact, we are very committed . . . to getting more cats.

We rely on you for comfort.

Our cats 100 percent can hurt our feelings if (read: when) they reject us. We need you to pick up the pieces of our hearts when this happens.

You will find cat hair in places you never knew cat hair could be.

Yes, you will probably ingest some. And choose your clothing wisely. (Probably smart to invest in a jumbo lint roller.)

We love to spoil you!

After we've fully spoiled our cats.

We are patient and understanding.

You can change. We will help you.

We love date nights . . .

For three.

We have big hopes for our futures.

Our futures with our cat(s). And we'd love for you to be a part of that future, too!

You will never, ever have to seek out cute cat videos, GIFs, and memes.

We have folders and folders on our computers dedicated to this. Simply specify your theme, and we'll have you covered.

You'll get a pretty good look into our souls based on what we name our cat(s).

Our cats will factor into all vacations.

So keep that in mind when booking flights for (all) of us.

Being sweet to our cat is like a ticket into our souls.

And into our undies.

When we say "I love you" to you, it means more than it does with most other people.

Because our standards are pretty high.

We are proud.

Proud to be cat-lovers, that is.

Sleeping in bed with us can be a bit complicated.

You'll be lucky to get even a fourth of the bed to yourself. You'll probably get scratched in your sleep. You'll either be too hot or too cold 90 percent of the time. But yay, kitty snuggles!

Christmas and birthday present ideas are handed to you on a silver platter.

Cat candles, cat socks, cat shirts, cat mugs — seriously, don't screw this one up, it's, like, too easy giving us gifts.

We are great at building deep connections.

Sometimes with people, like you. Other (often)times, with those of the feline persuasion.

Never, EVER minimize the ailments of our animals.

Yes, maybe it was just a fur ball. BUT WHAT IF IT'S MORE SERIOUS?!

Never ask us to choose between you and our cat.

The odds will ever be in our cat's favor.

We will convert you.

Prepare yourself, because try as you might, the magical powers of both cat and cat-lover will ultimately work their way into your mind, and you will be hooked for life. You have been warned.