We've all been there: the breakup. Somehow, we just never see them coming, do we? When you go through a breakup, you're gonna go through some things. Here's your guide:
That did not just happen. It. Did. Not. I cannot believe we broke up. I thought he was on the verge of proposing!
Maybe he was just joking about not wanting to see each other anymore? Maybe this was all a dream. In fact, he's probably going to come through my door any minute, ready to apologize, dozens of roses firmly in hand. Possibly even propose! What a story to tell our future grandchildren! "Yes!" I'll tell him. "I do! Yes! Yes!! YES!!!"
No. I don't. He didn't. No. No! NO!
He did not come to the door, dozens of roses firmly in hand. He didn't even come to the door empty-handed.
How could he do this to me? How dare he?! Doesn't he know how lucky he was to be dating someone like me?
Okay, I was pretty lucky to date him, too. I'm going to get him back. I just have to send a sweet little email to tell him that it's okay, I forgive him, and that he can come back now. I won't even yell at him. (That much.)
Hmmm. That carefully-worded email didn't get a response. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. That's weird. I just have to send him a sweet little text to let him know that it's okay, I forgive him, and that he can come back now. I will probably yell at him, but I don't have to tell him that in the text.
I'm not going to get him back. He's not coming back. I'm going to be alone forever; I'm going to die alone. Everyone is going to get married except for me. Even my gay best friend got married last week, so I don't even have a plus one to bring to parties anymore. I guess it's time to take up knitting like my old Aunt Zelda who was the family's old maid. Now I will take over that throne. Oh wait, she's still alive, so I can't even take over the throne. Great, I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not even special enough to be the only spinster in my family! Why, cruel world? WHY?!
I'm not going to get him back, and that's okay. I'm going to enjoy single life for now — I can sleep diagonally on the bed, I can watch whatever movie I want to on weekends, and I control the TV remote. I choose what to have for dinner every night. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want, because I'm totally, blissfully unencumbered. The time will come when I'm married with kids and I have responsibilities, but for now, I'm not, so I'm going to enjoy it.
I'm going to do all those things I always said I wanted to do, but never had time for because of him: getting into a good yoga practice, taking jewelry making classes, and joining my neighbor's book club.
We're not getting back together. And that's fine. Because really, I was too good for him, anyway.