8 Real Answers to the Commitment Question

Updated on 6/15/2015 at 4:50 PM

I've seen a trend in snake person/yuccie/whatever we are calling ourselves at this moment, dating: lack of commitment. Sure, some of us are in relationships, picking out dinner at Whole Foods together, moved in, or even married. But then there are the rest of us: in undefined relationships seeking validation to the tell-tale question — so what are we?

Look I get it. It's 2015. You're in a city. Maybe doing or trying to do creative things. Chasing your dreams. Living in your 20s WITH DATING APPS. Swiping through endless possibilities so why choose? Why settle? Why limit yourself?

But then also, why get into this situation: you're exclusive. You deleted the dating app you met on. You're each other's plus one to all of your friends BBQs. But when you introduce your person, you hesitate.

How do you do this? For a moment you forget their name. You're tongue-tied. So you wait until they introduce themselves. You don't even really want a significant other. You're independent. You're career focused. You made a Pinterest board for cooking for one. You just want what Hannah in Girls so eloquently asked of Adam:

"I don't even want a boyfriend. I just want someone who wants to hang out with me all of the time and thinks I'm the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me."

That's not asking a lot is it? But for some reason when you email that YouTube clip to your person they "don't get it" and a few days later you decide to end things, because the rejection stings more than being in whatever this is. Also he has man boobs and you're pretty sure you can do better.

Dating without titles is happening. So are people trying to seek the meaning behind, "I'm just not in a really good place right now." Cause all you hear is "right now" and you wonder when will they be out of that place? A few days? A month? A year? Should I wait?"

So I polled some people who have been the one to say no to the title and found out why they really didn't commit. From what they said to their significant other to what they really meant (who wanted to all remain anonymous for obvious reasons).

"So where do you want to go get brunch?"

Otherwise known as dodging the question. If they're changing the subject, they don't want to talk about it. They don’t see this going anywhere aside from what it is. Casual sex.

"I'm too busy with work."

I said this to a girl who was a little too clingy. She'd text me constantly and always wanted to hang out. So I blamed work. 'Cause I was busy with that and the relationship was just adding more stress to my already stressful life.

"It's not the right time for me."

They're just not that into you. If you're truly into someone, the timing doesn't matter. You just make it work.

"I'm not ready."

This means he wants to see other people or isn't fully into it. Unless it's under a month, then this could be true. But after a month if they aren't ready they're a bullsh*t artist.

"Thank you."

I appreciated that he wanted to be with me, and wanted him to know it. But I didn't see this progressing further, nor did I feel the same way. So expressing my gratitude felt like enough.

". . ."

Also known as the fade away. When the question comes up I just don't say anything; I just make myself emotionally and geographically unavailable.

"I need to focus on myself."

I told a guy this because the sex just wasn’t that great. I can't commit to bad sex.

"Zzz."

It had only been a week and a half. So I pretended I was sleeping.

. . .

Of course this isn't the end all be all. Every situation is different. Each relationship is unique with its own set of problems. The bottom line is if you're not happy in a relationship, it's not worth your time. Life is too short and you deserve happiness and feeling loved and appreciated.