Getting a divorce is a tough decision, and most likely if you've made the call to end your marriage, you know how hard it can be to regroup. This is why friends and loved ones will (hopefully) be by your side during the process. Expect right away that people — even strangers — will give you unsolicited advice, and most of it is done out of the goodness of their own hearts. People want to help and hate to see people sad or uncoupled. Folks are in love with love, and your divorce may be a cruel reminder that sometimes, Cinderella doesn't find Prince Charming. After a while, though, despite all the best intentions people may have, it can be draining to hear the "same old" stuff spewed at you from the mailman to your cousin's best friend's boyfriend. Here are six things divorced women don't want to hear anymore. Thanks in advance.
1. "Wow, that must be awful."
Yes, sometimes divorce is awful, and if you ask someone at the right moment, she might agree. However, after some time, divorce is not so awful and it is just another life challenge a woman or man completed.
2. "You're divorced."
Divorce doesn't define me. To be quite honest, I am sort of tired of talking about it, and I only like to reflect or ponder on divorce when it's beneficial to me. By that I mean, it helps me grow or perhaps there is a new situation that presents itself in my life, due to my divorce.
But otherwise, it does not define me. I do not need a label. I am a single, independently owned and operated venture complete with a beautiful little girl as my sidekick.
3. "He must have been a jerk."
Number one, same-sex couples divorce now too, so it may not have been a "him."
Number two, not all former partners are jerks. Some are, yes, but some were just incompatible with us or, perhaps, only jerks on occasion. Each situation is different, and honestly, we're over it (most times).
4. "I'm sorry."
This is a touching statement. Anyone who says it truly means it. It's not like when you tell someone you got a divorce he or she will know whether it benefited you or not, right off the bat.
However, we really don't want your pity. Empathy? Yes, that would be awesome, but truly we are A-OK with our status. This simply means we get to meet the right person now.
5. "How much alimony did you get?"
Alimony is not like it used to be, and each state has its own laws. Nine times out of 10, unless you married very wealthy, we are not rich off our ex-partners, and many of us receive no alimony at all.
6. "Was he a deadbeat dad?"
If you're a divorced woman with kids, people are eager to jump on the "Was he a deadbeat dad?" bandwagon.
If he is, indeed, a deadbeat dad, I apologize in advance, yet for many people, the dads are indeed still involved and not deadbeats.
If you're a deadbeat parent, whether a mom or dad, you suck — in case you weren't sure of it.
Being divorced does not mean you have to walk around with a huge scarlet D around you for the rest of your life. At some point, you have to move beyond it, and instead of letting the divorce form a chokehold over your life and attitude, you must embrace the fact that you are an independently owned gem, girls!