We all want to find our soulmate. But how do you know if someone is the one? Poppy and Geoff Spencer at Your Tango have you covered with a quick guide to figuring out if your partner is your soulmate.
See how your personalities match up.
Communication and relationships are complex for sure. But what if we used the Myers-Briggs personality test to dig deep into how our partner is wired and figure out how compatible your personality types really are — and if you could actually be soulmates?
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test (MBTI) framework builds on Carl Jung's theory of personality types.
It describes people's personalities as four pairs of opposites, like our two opposite hands, which represent opposite ways of:
- Directing and receiving energy.
- Taking in information.
- Making decisions and coming to conclusions based on that information.
- Approaching the outside world.
Each of these pairs of opposites is associated with a personality attribute:
- How people prefer to be approached (E–I: Extroversion–Introversion))
- How people prefer to take in information (S–N: Sensing–Intuition)
- How people tend to make their decisions based on the information gathered (T–F: Thinking–Feeling)
- When people prefer to make decisions (J–P: Judging–Perceiving)
Once you know which personality type you have for each of the four pairs of opposites, that comprises your Myes-Briggs personality type. E or I, S or N, T or F, and P or J.
An easy way to figure out your personality type is by taking a Myers-Briggs personality test online.
To figure out which Myers-Briggs personality type your partner is, look for these 4 signs:
- To determine if your partner has a preference for an Extroversion or an Introversion (E-I), a simple exercise would be to notice if they pause or reflect during your conversations. Most "I's" like to pause/reflect. "E's" are usually eager to jump right to the next thought.
- Want to know if your partner or soulmate has a preference for Sensing or Intuition (S-N)? Observe if they seem to like a detailed sequential way to take in information or if they enjoy making connections.
- A preference as a Thinker or Feeler (T-F)? A thinking preference person will focus on tasks and a feeling preference person will focus on relationships.
- A preference for Judging or Perceiving (P-J): A judging preference person will seek closure and use words ending in "ed" (i.e.decided, planned, concluded, etc.). A Perceiving preference person will appreciate "ing" words (i.e. planning, deciding, concluding, etc.)
Keep in mind that the "heart" or core personality traits are the middle two letters, which affects their needs and wishes in a relationship.
Just as people tend to rely on one hand more than the other, they tend to prefer and rely on one opposite in each pair more than the other. Our type preferences are inborn and the experiences we have had in our lives shape how we use them. And this is what the Myers-Briggs personality test can help you figure out.
An important caveat is that the Myers-Briggs personality test indicates your preferred way of doing certain things; it does not indicate your ability to do those things. (It is not designed to measure emotional maturity, intelligence, psychological or mental health illnesses.)
And while type preferences influence the behavioral habits we develop, type theory suggests that in any situation, we have a choice: to use our innate preferences, or decide that it's more appropriate to use the non-preferred opposite.
To see how compatible your personality type is with your partners, learn more about each below:
1. "SF" Personality Types
- ISFJ: This type values someone who listens to them, (active listening) and likes to have mutually shared experiences in conversations and activities. Not rebels, yet family-oriented, ISFJ's are guided by tradition and law and if there were only one word to describe them, it would be kindness.
- ISFP: A flexible feeling type, the ISFP likes to be adventurous.
- ESFJ: Warm, friendly and approachable, this type likes to be both supportive of others and thrives on cultivating relationships.
- ESFP: This type likes being of service to others and is loyal to boot.
2. "ST" Personality Types
- ISTJ: This type likes a partner who is straightforward in their approach, says what they mean, and gets right to the point without too much sentiment. Acting too informal might be off-putting, yet a thoughtful decision is sexy.
- ISTP: This type appreciates efficiency and what makes sense while enjoying reflection and process time. Rushing this type to hurry up and decide what to do is a turn-off.
- ESTJ: Practicality and sharing valuable information captivates this type. The way to his heart is through his head.
- ESTP: This partner is energized by logically comparing facts and having the time to reflect and process these enticing morsels of information.
3. "NF" Personality Types
- INFJ: Shared values is paramount to the NF's core. The INFJ will do almost anything to support you if they also share the same passion. Be sure to allow time to dig deep to listen as they share their opinions.
- INFP: Passionate, creative, and altruistic, this dating partner sees the good in all people and things, including you. Because they have the I and P around their core type, they do not clearly define their inner workings that drive their passions. Rather, their creativity inspires them to express themselves in artistic and symbolic ways.
- ENFJ: Authentic leaders and future-focused, ENFJ's love to connect with people and have an enormous passion to help others become their best selves. If your partner is an ENFJ, you're in, because this personality type "gets" the 16 types better than most. They believe in you, even if you don't.
- ENFP: This type is a "good time Charlie". They love to seek meaning beneath the surface and thrive on identifying creative possibilities for the future. As a dating partner, the ENFP will go with the flow, however, they do need their freedom. Routines zap this type's creative energy, so changing up the day-to-day schedule is essential.
4. "NT" Personality Types
- INTJ: They value respect and innovation and have no problem challenging opinions and facts. INTJ's are both curious and relentless in their pursuit of intellectual topics, although please note that they are uninterested in the drama you have with your BFF. He will tell you straight up if your opinion or idea is valid. (It probably isn't.)
- INTP: Intellectually gifted, this type flourishes by living in their heads. Logic, reason, and more logic and reason drive this type. If you are dating an INTP, adapt your thinking accordingly.
- ENTJ: This type is a great leader and uses their reason and amazing logic on every decision as if it might be presented to a jury. ENTJ's are strategic and tactical to a fault. So passionate, they will list their rationale on why you should dine at the steakhouse versus another restaurant and their reasoning is so sound, so compelling, so detailed, that you scratch your head and wonder why you even suggested that little Thai restaurant in the first place.
- ENTP: This type says what's on their mind and doesn't mind not using a filter. Honesty is a bedrock of this cohort, although they also like to figuratively poke the bear. Verbal jousting appeals to the ENTP and in a dating relationship, understand that they like to play the devil's advocate. Don't take stuff personally.
Knowing your Myers-Briggs personality type is essential, and recognizing your dating partner's type is even more important. The Myers-Briggs personality tool gives you the reasons behind your partner's actions, such as why your INFP date sometimes seems to brood. (He's just reveling in his reflection time.)
While the types are just preferences, you can you can further develop your less dominant type to bring harmony to — and enrich — your dating relationship.