Ronnie Ann Ryan from YourTango shares why some men do not call back.
And how to deal with it.
Knowing whether or not you should text a guy you just started dating can be positively frustrating.
For example, has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He's easy to talk to, has a good sense of humor and gave solid answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive. Then week went by. He texted once or twice, but didn't ask about the weekend.
He finally called you — on Friday – to talk about the weekend.
"Are you free tonight?" he asked. Well, you purposely left the weekend open hoping he would call. So you said, "Yes."
You went out and had another great date. It was so nice to talk to a man you can have a great conversation with. You smiled, laughed and shared similar ideas about life.
Then, you don't hear from him all week, except for some texting. This time, you can't take it. You want to know what's going to happen for the weekend. You can't stand this waiting game.
You assume, of course, you will have a date. So, you decide to be bold and just call him. What's the big deal, right?
When he answers, he seems happy to hear from you. When you ask about the weekend, he says he hasn't given it much thought. You tell him you are trying to make plans, so you need to know when he wants to get together. The good news is, he suggests going out on Saturday night.
You have another great date. This relationship is going great and you have some momentum.
The next week ticks by with a few fun texts, but not much more. Thursday arrives and you start wondering, "What the heck? Is he not going to plan ahead, again? Should I call him? Why is he acting like this, especially when we have such a good time together?"
So, why doesn't he call sooner? Good question. I have some answers about why he doesn't call that might help clear things up. This dating advice offers possible reasons.
Here are 4 reasons he may not be calling to ask you out again in advance.
1. He's just not that into you.
As Greg Behrendt says in his book by the same name, sometimes "He's just not that into you."
This simple answer cuts deep, but has a great deal of validity. While you and your date may have a great time, it didn't necessarily mean the same thing to him as it does to you.
2. He's not in relationship mode.
While he certainly enjoys your company, he's more relaxed about seeing you.
3. He doesn't know that you're a planner.
Last weekend you were free at the last minute. So, what's the big deal about making plans? You've probably got very little going on.
4. He is not a planner — and is actually sort of lazy.
Why make plans when he can get the women to call him and take care of it?
In light of all these possible answers, what should you do? Should you text him? How you tell if this guy really likes you?
I know you're anxious to see him. And I know it seems harmless to send a simple text to ask about weekend plans — but don't do it.
Here are four reasons why:
- If he's not that into you, you might as well know as soon as possible. You delay finding this out if you don't wait to see if he will contact you.
- If he doesn't have the same dating agenda as you, you should find out sooner rather than later. For example, he may be casual dater while you want a relationship. Don't pick up the phone. Wait to see how hard he tries, which will tell you more about his agenda.
- If you call a man because you are impatient or think it's not a big deal, think again. The last thing you want to do is give a man the impression that you have nothing else going on. That won't make him want to pursue you. This doesn't create mystique or make him curious about what is going on with you. When you have a full life of your own, you are much more attractive to men.
- If he's lazy, and you don't mind always being in charge, go ahead and call him. But don't get mad later when you are tired of being the one making plans. Keep in mind that you trained him this way from the start. So, you will have no one to blame but yourself when you get sick of it.
The best dating strategy is to make plans for yourself.
Don't want to wait around until the last minute for him to make a plan? Then don't. Make plans of your own and go about your life. Find fun things to do with friends.
When he calls at the last minute, you can say, "Oh, that sounds like fun. Too bad I already have plans. Maybe next week." You can feel free to offer an alternate time, which let's him know you are interested, but he will also get the message that he needs to make plans in advance.
If he truly has interest and wants to date you, he absolutely will do just that.
Ronnie Ann Ryan has been working as a dating coach to help successful single women find lasting love and build strong relationships for more than sixteen years. You can get her free audio program and discover 12 first date mistakes that ruin your chances for love.
Check out more great stories from YourTango:
- How The Smartest Women Respond To Men Who Show Up Again After Ghosting Them
- There Are Only 2 Reasons Why Guys Stop Texting Women Back
- Men Who Do These 7 Things Will Never Fall In Love With You