5 Common Worries You May Have About Moving in With Your SO, and How to Tackle Them

Updated on 7/26/2018 at 3:00 PM

Meghan Mehan

When my boyfriend and I decided to move in together, it definitely felt sudden. We each lived with our parents in towns not far away, and we felt pretty comfortable in our routine, which we had carried on with for almost four years. (Mostly, this meant just being with each other all the time on the weekend.) But alas, he turned 27 and I 26, and that "shouldn't we be adulting?" feeling kicked in.

We had promised each other we'd spend time researching locations and scouting out buildings, but we fell in love with a one-bedroom unit that plenty more couples were interested in. When we were given the opportunity to sign the lease, we went for it — we didn't want to lose this place.

Almost instantly, my anxiety (which I've suffered from my entire life) kicked in. I had a couple of panic attacks during my long-ass commute to work — which was about to take half the time when I moved, so shouldn't I be happy?! — where I had total out-of-body experiences. I thought I was losing feeling on the right side of my body, broke out into a sweat, and then I'd just have phases where I felt like I was looking down on myself sending an email or a text. Minutes later, I'd have to go back and check if it actually really happened. That's anxiety, folks. It can actually make you feel physical symptoms that you might mistake for, I don't know, say, the flu.

Leading up to the big day, I knew I had to start packing, but I put it off. I didn't get any sleep the night after we filled up the U-Haul, even though all the boxes and bags fit perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle. Seriously, it was as if our furniture was telling us to GTFO of our parents' houses.

Anyway, what was I so damn nervous about? My boyfriend is my best friend on the planet. He knows everything about me; there's literally nothing I haven't done in front of him, no worry I haven't vocalized — in other words, he's totally aware that I'm a lot to handle.

Even still, I know I am not the only one who's been nervous about a major life change. Whether you're moving into your own studio apartment, you're crossing state borders, or you're doing just what I did and shacking up with your SO, I'm going to explain to you what my worries were and how each one of them faded away in — I kid you not — five days. Hopefully it gives you a little peace of mind.

Day 1: Will We Fight During the Move and Say “Forget It”?

There will absolutely be moments of frustration during the move. It didn't take my boyfriend and I longer than five minutes to get into a fight the morning we left home. We got a call that the couch couldn't be delivered during the window we had requested. But after playing the blame game for 10 seconds, we realized this was nobody's fault but the lady on the phone at the furniture store, who promised us everything was running on schedule.

Here's the thing: building furniture is hard, moving heavy things is hard (see: Ross on Friends), and there will be brief moments of panic. But you're both in this together. You wouldn't be stressing and sweating if you both weren't just trying to build a happy home. That "forget it" thing? Not an option. I was over this by the end of the first night.

Day 2: What If I Can’t Sleep and My Partner Finds It Annoying?

If you can't get settled in your new place right away, try rearranging your bedroom furniture, picking up a fan or a noise machine, or taking a small dosage of natural sleep aids like melatonin if you don't already. My boyfriend and I got NO sleep the first night in our new place, and we had a feeling it was because we were sleeping on opposite sides of the bed than we were used to. The next night, we removed everything from our bedside tables and switched places. We slept better, but in the beginning, there will still be nights when you wake up feeling like you're in a hotel room. Did you bolt the door? Is there someone in your shower? You'll worry about these things, but since I already felt better after our second night, I told myself I'd be sleeping like a baby (next to bae) in no time.

Day 3: Will I Have to Cook Dinner and Clean For the Both of Us?

Hell no, girl. You wouldn't be moving in with someone who thinks you are fully capable of cooking an entire meal for two by yourself — especially if you haven't lived on your own before. Or maybe you have, but college dinner prep meant mostly just throwing an Ellio's Pizza in the microwave and grabbing a bottle of wine from Trader Joe's. Your SO will be there to help you, and if you DO want to follow a recipe and try something new, screw-ups are totally OK. Your next meal will taste better.

Day 4: Will I Get Lonely If My Partner Goes Out With Friends? Wait — Am I Going to Become Needy?

I had already heard from so many people that it's possible to find so much bliss just from being alone in YOUR new space. Of course, you should enjoy your place with your partner, too, but there are so many things you can do aside from turning on a movie when you're by yourself. There are going to be nights when your SO gets home late, goes out for a few drinks, or, in my case, drives to play golf with his brother for a VIP Monday evening match they refer to as an "invitational." Listen to music, read a good book, shop online, and definitely do not question your partner's whereabouts if you know exactly where he/she is headed. That will only make things worse and, listen, you should chill. Know this: your partner is just as excited as you are to come home to your new place that you built together.

Day 5: What If This Doesn’t Work?

OK, this is the big one. I think I was subconsciously anxious about this the day my boyfriend and I even started to discuss the idea of moving. Living together is a test of sorts. If you haven't done it before, you will absolutely learn things about your partner, even if you thought you knew everything. You'll learn how to work with each other and how to support one another in a different way than you had before. When you're stressed about a work incident, your SO will be the first person you spend time with when you get home at the end of the day. Will you be able to give each other advice and to console each other? Will his/her little quirks piss you off to the point that you argue about it?

All of this, you'll see in time. Not five days, but give it five nights, and I promise that on that sixth morning, you'll wake up more relieved. You will say to yourself, "Wow, no matter what happens, we are totally doing this because we love each other and we both want it to work wholeheartedly. We wouldn't be in the same bed if we didn't!" On day four, a very good friend of mine comforted me when she told me that my boyfriend "loves you like f*cking crazy and wouldn't have done this with you if he even felt slightly off about it." It's pretty simple, but that has stuck with me every day since, and it's what I will repeat to myself every time anxiety knocks on the door without my permission, forgetting to check in with the door man first.