The following is a simulated reenactment of a true event. Names have been changed to protect the identities of the innocent.
It's a Saturday morning and you realize you're on your last roll of toilet paper. "I'll just do a quick Target run," you tell yourself, heading over to the store. "I mean, I only need one thing! What sort of damage could I do?"
Two hours later, you regain consciousness from your shopping-induced blackout. "Oh no," you murmur, realizing that you've done it again — you've been seduced by the siren song of the red and white bullseye. You glance down and realize that you're holding several full shopping bags . . . and none of them contain toilet paper.
You drop to your knees, shaking your fists at the sky and crying, "I WENT IN FOR ONE THIIIIIIIING!"
You load the overflowing bags into your trunk and vow never to make a "quick trip" to Target again. But then it strikes you: you still need toilet paper. You glance in your rear-view mirror and spy the alluring eye of the bullseye staring back at you. The last thing you remember as your brain starts to go fuzzy is mumbling, "It's only one thing . . . "
Annnnnd scene. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. That's why we've collected tweets from other victims of Target's hypnotic spell for solidarity. This goes out to any innocent fool who's ever gambled on a quick trip to Target, because we all know there's really no such thing.