The 12 Stages of Your Child's First Field Trip

Updated on 11/14/2014 at 5:25 PM

I anticipated a lot of firsts when it came to sending my daughter to elementary school, but one I didn't really think about was when she took her first field trip with her class. It came out of nowhere and, honestly, kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. The whole idea of my child being old enough to go on a field trip sort of threw me into a tizzy, and that's all before the big day even arrived. So if your tot just had his first field trip or is about to embark on it soon, here's a little laugh on how it all goes down. Source: Shutterstock

You find the permission slip in the bottom of his backpack.

His first field trip is in two weeks. And it's to a farm. You wonder when farms started charging $20 for admission. This, you think, is when real parenthood begins. Source: USA

Your child is beyond excited.

You, not so much. You've been to the zoo when a school field trip was there, and you didn't like what you were seeing. Plus, your child has never even been on a school bus before. Speaking of bus . . . Source: Reddit

You suddenly remember a story on the news last night.

Seriously? This has to be the worst timing ever. Source: OhMaGIF

You contemplate calling your child out "sick" on that day.

But then you realize you'll be paying her therapy bills long after elementary school if you keep her home from all her field trips. So you decide she will go. Source: ABC

Now the real question is: will you go too?

Forget circumcision. To a chaperone or to not chaperone? That is the ultimate parenting question. Source: NBC

Alas, you volunteer yourself.

You've never felt more like Katniss Everdeen. This ain't gonna be easy. Source: Lionsgate

So you fill out the necessary parent volunteer background check.

The system thinks a little too long before giving you approval, and you start to wonder if that DUI you got in college is going to be a problem. Source: Warner Bros.

The night before, you race around to find a shirt the color your child's class is supposed to wear.

And it's yellow. After scouring her closet, you wonder how on earth your child does not own one single yellow shirt. You wonder if orange counts. Nope; off to Target it is. Source: Disney

On the day of, riding the bus isn't as bad as you thought it would be.

Though you secretly wish you'd brought earplugs — and half a Dramamine. Source: AMC

But the petting zoo portion of the farm is worse than you thought.

You are reminded as to why you struggled with the idea of tagging along in the first place — it's a petting zoo. You decide your role is equal parts chaperone and hand sanitizer dispenser. Source: Reddit

Finally, it's time to gather the troops for lunch.

After counting the children at least five times and opening 10 water bottles, eight juice boxes, nine bags of pretzels, and one string cheese, you dig into your own squished bagged lunch. Except that lunchtime is now over, and it's time to re-count the kids and get 'em on the bus. Source: NBC

You get back home around 1:15 p.m. and you're exhausted.

You reflect on the trip and realize you spent so much time making sure you didn't lose someone else's kid that you didn't even interact with your own child. You conclude that field trips aren't so bad after all, as long as someone else does the chaperoning. Source: NBC