The dilemma: Your dream of reaching golden-goddess status by way of sunless tanner has left you with a set of chevron-esque streaks.
The solution: Combine two tablespoons of baking powder, four tablespoons of lemon juice, and a tablespoon of water. Mix it into a paste, and then grab a large cosmetic brush. Apply this mixture to the darker streaks on your skin, and let it set for 15 to 20 minutes. This will pull up some of the color and make you look more even.
Next, exfoliate with whatever you have on hand (sugar, salt, and oatmeal are all good), paying special attention to the areas that are still streaky. Finally, apply a foundation, or bronzer, that matches the darker streaks to the lighter.
