How Scary Is American Horror Story?
What It's Like to Watch American Horror Story When You Hate Horror
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love scary movies and TV shows, and the rest of us, who'd prefer to change the channel when the promos for said scary stuff comes on. I am from the latter group, a scaredy-cat who dreaded sleepovers because other people liked to watch horror movies, and as an adult, someone who took a few seasons to watch True Blood. That's why it might surprise you to find out that I watched American Horror Story last season — though it was a trying experience, to say the least. But I made it through, and now I live to tell the tale — in GIFs! Come with me on my journey of bravely watching one of the scariest shows on TV.
Source: FX
I remember when I first heard American Horror Story was coming.
Image Source: 20th Century Studios
A show about a haunted house? Interesting.
Image Source: The CW
I could handle it, I thought.
Image Source: Fox
But then I remembered it was Ryan Murphy. And Ryan/Murphy also made Nip/Tuck.
Image Source: HBO
I thought about watching.
Image Source: ABC
So I decided to pass.
Image Source: NBC
And then I heard what was going on in Murder House.
Image Source: NBC
Like Piggy Man, and the mutant baby in the basement.
And a "rubber man" who rapes people?!
Image Source: Universal Pictures
But I also got curious about what was going on.
Image Source: The Weinstein Company
I started asking people who watched what was happening.
Image Source: Disney
So I decided to start reading recaps.
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That doesn't mean I wasn't grossed out.
Finally, I thought, I should just watch it.
Image Source: ABC
And then Asylum came on, with its mutilated inhabitants and even more twisted stories.
Image Source: Fox
And I knew I couldn't start watching then.
Image Source: HBO
People were getting sliced and diced.
Anne Frank showed up, Dylan McDermott resurfaced to breastfeed as an adult . . .
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And Bloody Face! Bloody Face is THE WORST.
Image Source: NBC
I had my mind made up about this show.
Image Source: FX
But then I heard that season three would be called Coven.
Image Source: NBC
I thought, maybe this is the season I'll watch. I love witches!
Image Source: Disney
So I decided to watch.
Image Source: HBO
Then I started watching Coven.
Image Source: FX
The first episode features Madame LaLaurie torturing a man by stuffing poop in his mouth.
Then she cuts off his head and makes him a real minotaur.
Image Source: NBC
The voodoo sex wasn't that hard to sit through.
Image Source: Warner Bros.
There were things I enjoyed at first.
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At least Murphy got creative, with Clorox enemas and the like.
Image Source: Universal Pictures
But it just got worse, with eyes being gouged out!
Image Source: Fox
A Frankenstein getting put together.
And then a mom has sex with her son, who is now a Frankenstein.
Image Source: NBC
Someone stabbing her own eyes out.
Image Source: Fox
"This season is actually less gory," other people told me.
Image Source: FX
I turned on it. I turned fast.
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But I couldn't look away.
Image Source: ABC
I made it to the end of the season.
Image Source: NBC
I felt proud for making it through, though. Maybe I would watch the next season!
Image Source: The CW
And then I heard season four would be called Freak Show, about a circus.
With a scary clown.
Image Source: Lionsgate
Decision made!
Image Source: NBC
