4 Reasons the True Blood Premiere Was a Hot, Bloody Mess

C'mon, True Blood. We get that Tara was pretty much already dead. But that was just downright disrespectful. Tara dies off screen, and there's no slow-motion crying or dramatic music. After six years and all the drama turning her into a vampire, we were kind of hoping for a little bit more than a meltdown from Tara's estranged mom.

Because, let's be real, finding out if Eric is alive is 90 percent of the reason we wanted to keep watching in the first place. You can't just, like, not tell us what happens to him. And no, watching Pam lollygag around Morocco isn't going to tide us over until next week.

To be honest, we only vaguely remember the time jump at the end of last season, when we were rocketed six months into the future. We're not saying it wasn't OK, but we did expect a little context to help us figure out what happened in those six months. Because, to be honest, we forgot. Also, who decided Sam Merlotte would be a good mayor? Did everyone forget Bill turned into weird, blood-hungry demigod Billith? Wait, Merlotte's became Bellefleur's? We're going to need to rewind a bit and rehash.

So much of the episode is dedicated to things we don't really care about. We don't care all that much if Adilyn gets eaten (sorry, Adilyn), we don't really care that Jason and Violet finally do the deed (although we'll never say no to Jason Stackhouse's butt), and we don't really care that James and Lafayette might hook up (and by the way, who else noticed that James is a totally new actor?). Where are the stakes? And we mean literal stakes and proverbial stakes.

What did you think of the premiere?