The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Premiere Recap

1 Elena is a drug-addict serial stalker who hallucinates her dead boyfriend.

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While Caroline is off worrying that Elena is too chipper to be dealing with her grief over losing Damon, we find out the real reason: she hasn't mourned him because she's taking psychotropic herbs to see him. They talk about their day (well, really, her day), how it's cool to have Alaric back from the dead, what everyone did over Summer vacation, and they even make out! It's like he never left except he did and he's a ghost. What happens when she is making out with the air? "This makes no sense," Tyler says to Caroline, winning this week's award for being accurate.

1 / 5

2 Stefan has moved away and become a mechanic.

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OK, so you can't live in your family home in your hometown anymore because your skin burns if you try to go in. So what do you do? Hop a plane to Europe and go chill in Paris for a while? Go island hopping? No, you're Stefan Salvatore, so you pick up a job as a mechanic where the owner regularly shafts you on pay. He's moving on, but this career move is surprising and bizarre.

2 / 5

3 Jeremy is a slutty video-game wiz.

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Since Jeremy can be in Mystic Falls, he's there as Matt's roommate, but I hope you didn't think he'd still be crying over Bonnie. He's not — he's macking on chicks, and when he's not, he's playing video games. I mean, it is what a guy his age would be doing if he couldn't vampire slay anymore.

3 / 5

4 Alaric is a vampire college professor who still hangs out with people younger than him.

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Yay, Alaric's back! I still don't know why he needed to come back, but yay! He has nice hair. And somehow he got right to work at the college teaching an occult class in a town not far from the one where he died, no eyebrows raised whatsoever. And he wants to drink the blood of all his students, but he'll settle for drinking beers at the football game like he's a student too.

4 / 5

5 Damon and Bonnie are somewhere eating pancakes and maybe alive?

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And then we get to the final scene, which shows us the characters we were wondering about the most. It's Damon and Bonnie, and it's not so weird that they are somewhere doing something — it's the something they're doing. Damon is rocking flannel! And making cute pancakes for Bonnie! And listening to "Shine" by Collective Soul. What is this madness? Are they in '90s Seattle?! What a twist.

5 / 5