Thanks to American Horror Story, I'm in Love With the Antichrist and VERY Conflicted About It

The world has ended on American Horror Story, and now we're just on a wild ride filled with witches, warlocks, and the big, bad Antichrist (aka Michael Langdon). And listen, I know Michael is technically very young — for the record, actor Cody Fern is about 30, so it's not as creepy as it seems — and literally the son of Satan, but I can't help but lust after him. Yes, I know, that's technically one of the seven deadly sins, but I guess it would make sense for me to be this sinful at the sight of such a tempting, handsome devil.

I'd always heard Satan would be attractive, but this is a whole 'nother level. There's something about the subtle red eye makeup, those delicious capes, the luscious locks of hair, and the evil gleam in his eye that really has me under his spell. Luckily, it seems I'm not alone; thanks to the power of the internet, I've seen all kinds of AHS Antichrist thirst out there. So I'm ready to air out my obsession and articulate my feelings about Michael. Let's bask in his glory together.

01
When He Gives That Smirk Like He's Going to Murder You Later . . . and You Kind of Want Him to Murder You Later?
FX

When He Gives That Smirk Like He's Going to Murder You Later . . . and You Kind of Want Him to Murder You Later?

02
When He Gives Devastating Side-Eye, and You'd Give Anything to Be His Side Piece
FX

When He Gives Devastating Side-Eye, and You'd Give Anything to Be His Side Piece

03
When He's Dressed Like a Pilgrim, and You Wish He'd Colonize You
FX

When He's Dressed Like a Pilgrim, and You Wish He'd Colonize You

04
When He's Covering Himself in Blood, but, Like, You Kind of Want to Help Him Lather Up a Little Bit?
FX

When He's Covering Himself in Blood, but, Like, You Kind of Want to Help Him Lather Up a Little Bit?

Ah yes, here's the blood bucket. Time for a nice shoulder massage.

05
When He Snaps Someone's Neck, and You're Low-Key Like, "OMG, Jealous"
FX

When He Snaps Someone's Neck, and You're Low-Key Like, "OMG, Jealous"

06
When He Smiles Every Once in a While, and It Lights Up the Room
FX

When He Smiles Every Once in a While, and It Lights Up the Room

And, you know, the Antichrist hangs out in some pretty dark rooms.

08
When He . . . Just . . . Like . . . Just Look at Him
FX

When He . . . Just . . . Like . . . Just Look at Him

09
When He's Just Sashaying Around in a Glorious Cape
FX

When He's Just Sashaying Around in a Glorious Cape

Even if he only stepped on my face and kept walking, cape flowing behind him effortlessly, it would be worth it.

10
When He Murders Someone in Cold Blood
FX

When He Murders Someone in Cold Blood

But you're like, wow, what a dashing prince. Rescuing that damsel in distress? Hero!

11
When He's Clearly Livid, but You're Clearly Living For It
FX

When He's Clearly Livid, but You're Clearly Living For It

12
THIS LOOK, THOUGH
FX

THIS LOOK, THOUGH

13
AND THIS ONE
FX

AND THIS ONE

15
When He's Got a Mop Top on His Head and You Are Just Desperate to Run Your Fingers Through It
FX

When He's Got a Mop Top on His Head and You Are Just Desperate to Run Your Fingers Through It

16
When He's Somehow Sexy Just While Listening to Other People
FX

When He's Somehow Sexy Just While Listening to Other People

Yeah. But when will he listen to me?!

17
When He Performs the Seven Wonders, but You're Just Wondering How to Get His Attention
FX

When He Performs the Seven Wonders, but You're Just Wondering How to Get His Attention

18
That Time He Stuck Up For His Mom
FX

That Time He Stuck Up For His Mom

OMG, he's a mama's boy! So what if she worships Satan, you know?!

19
That Time He Was Sulking in the Balcony and You Wanted to Go All Romeo and Juliet on Him
FX

That Time He Was Sulking in the Balcony and You Wanted to Go All Romeo and Juliet on Him

20
In Conclusion . . .
FX

In Conclusion . . .

(Note: I do not actually love or worship Satan. Just in case it's unclear.)