Prince Harry turned to alcohol and drugs to cope with the death of Princess Diana. "I was in a fight-or-flight mode. Panic attacks, severe anxiety. And from 28 to probably 32 was a nightmare time in my life," the Duke of Sussex said. "I was willing to drink. I was willing to take drugs. I was willing to try and do the things that made me feel less like I was feeling. But I slowly became aware that, OK, I wasn't drinking Monday to Friday, but I would probably drink a week's worth in one day on a Friday or a Saturday night. And I would find myself drinking not because I was enjoying it, but because I was trying to mask something."
Harry decided to pursue therapy more seriously after meeting Meghan Markle. "It was meeting and being with Meghan, I knew that if I didn't do therapy and fix myself, that I was going to lose this woman who I could see spending the rest of my life with," Harry said. "When she said, 'I think you need to see someone,' that was in reaction to an argument we had. And in that argument, not knowing about it, I reverted back to 12-year-old Harry. The moment I started therapy and probably within my second session, my therapist turned around to me, and said, 'That sounds like you are reverting to 12-year-old Harry.' I felt somewhat ashamed and defensive . . . That was the start of a learning journey for me. I became aware that I'd been living in a bubble, within this family, within this institution, I was sort of almost trapped in a thought process or a mindset."
Harry is "somewhat ashamed" of how he handled Meghan's confession of having suicidal thoughts during her first pregnancy. "Meghan decided to share with me the suicidal thoughts and the practicalities of how she was going to end her life," Harry recalled. "Of course, because of the system we were in and the responsibilities and the duties that we had, we had a quick cuddle and then we had to get changed, had to jump in a convoy with a police escort, and drive to the Royal Albert Hall for a charity event and then step out to a wall of cameras and pretend as though everything's OK. There wasn't an option to say, 'You know what, tonight we're not going to go.' Because just imagine the stories that come from that."
Traveling to London is a "trigger" for Harry because of what happened to his mom. "For most of my life, I always felt worried, concerned, a little bit tense and uptight whenever I fly back into the UK, whenever I fly back into London," he said, referencing feelings of anxiety and helplessness. "The trauma is very much geographical."
Harry and Meghan have a photo of Diana hanging in Archie's nursery. "I got a photo up in his nursery, and it was one of the first words that he said — apart from 'mama,' 'papa,' it was then 'grandma'. Grandma Diana," Harry shared. "It's the sweetest thing, but at the same time, it makes me really sad because she should be here."