Mom Says Sixth Pregnancy After 5 Devastating Losses Was "Terrifying"

R A I N B O W B A B Y 🌈 I didn't think I would get to write this post but after 4 miscarriages and a heartbreaking late loss we welcomed our rainbow to the world 17 weeks ago. We almost lost all hope and came close to giving up because our hearts and my mental health couldn't take any more losses. In all honesty it would have been the braver decision to have given up, but thinking about living a life without children was too much for my already fragile mental health. I was terrified during my pregnancy as I always assumed I'd be losing her at some point. The fear never left me and even at her birth I didn't think it would actually happen having previously delivered a sleeping baby. Not until she was in our arms could I open my heart to believe. She is worth all the tears we've cried and are still crying because we still cannot believe she is real. We will always be grateful for how lucky we are to have her as we know not everyone gets their rainbow. Our rainbow at the end of the storms, Sophie Esme (meaning loved) is our 6th baby. ❤️ . We were lucky to be referred to a specialist clinic at St Mary's hospital, London. They found no reason for our losses but they were a great support to us as they recognise the psychological trauma recurrent miscarriage brings. I also wanted to mention @tommys_thebabycharity for the amazing research they do to save babies lives. A donation is made to them with every sale of this t-shirt from @naturalmagicwear #survivingmiscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #miscarriage #survivingrecurrentmisscarriage #pregnancyafterloss #lifeafterloss

A post shared by Clare (@frankielovescrochet) on Oct 1, 2017 at 7:30am PDT

After suffering four miscarriages and one "heartbreaking late loss," Clare still can't believe 17 weeks postbirth that her rainbow baby, a beautiful little girl, is real. Alongside an adorable photo of the newborn wearing an "I am a rainbow" onesie, the mom, who admitted she almost lost all hope in having a child, opened up about her sixth pregnancy and the anxiety she was filled with for nine months after experiencing so much loss.

"I was terrified during my pregnancy as I always assumed I'd be losing her at some point," Clare wrote. "The fear never left me and even at her birth I didn't think it would actually happen having previously delivered a sleeping baby. Not until she was in our arms could I open my heart to believe. She is worth all the tears we've cried and are still crying because we still cannot believe she is real."

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The mom's crippling anxiety finally eased when the healthy baby girl made her entrance into the world, but Clare knows that not every family gets to feel this sense of relief when trying for a baby after loss. "We will always be grateful for how lucky we are to have her as we know not everyone gets their rainbow," she said. "Our rainbow at the end of the storms, Sophie Esme (meaning loved) is our sixth baby."