15 Ways Having a Puppy Is NOT Like Having a Baby, Even a Little Bit

Not only will it take a lot less time, but your puppy's crying probably won't break your heart as much as your baby's will, especially if you've survived multiple rounds of sleep training with an actual human baby. Get on board, pup; mama's over sleep deprivation.

Maybe the diners at the next table at that hip restaurant won't appreciate a screaming baby, but it's still your prerogative to take that child to dinner. Your puppy won't make it past the hostess's stand. Or into a doctor's office. And we guess you might be able to take your pup into your favorite boutique, but you might get some weird looks.

My 9-week-old puppy is a superstar when it comes to doing his business in the appropriate place. My son took almost four years to learn the same skill.

You know what's cuter than a newborn? A chubby 6-month-old. And that baby? She's even cuter as a toddler. Hell, my 7-year-old daughter still gets cuter with every lost tooth. Your puppy's cuteness is always there, too, but definitely not on the same level. And if you got them as a tiny puppy, enjoy that short cuteness window while it lasts.

Buy some dog food, put it in a bowl two or three times a day, and voila, you've accomplished feeding your puppy and it took a grand total of two minutes. You'll spend years of your life trying to figure out your baby's nipple confusion, food preferences, and weird eating habits.

If your puppy can't sit, shake, roll over, or fetch, no one really cares. Hell, they probably won't even ask. But if your baby isn't hitting each and every milestone, you'll feel the pressure from friends, family, and most definitely from yourself.

A place to sleep, a bowl of water and food, and a few toys is basically enough to keep your puppy happy. Your baby required a three-page registry and enough gear and big-ticket items that you probably thought about taking out a second mortgage and buying a bigger house.

No matter what, your puppy will love you. Your baby is much more mercurial. And forget about it when they're old enough to talk. Just assume they'll switch between telling you that you're the best mom ever and that they hate you at least twice a day.

An old stuffed animal, a stick, an exposed toe . . . all are equally fascinating to a puppy. Your baby, on the other hand, will require an arsenal of sensory toys; music, movement, and swim classes; and more books than you've ever read in your entire life.

Need to run to the grocery store or to a doctor's appointment? No biggie. Put your puppy in a safe place, and you're out. Your baby, however, will have to come with you. Duh.

In fact, feel free to bathe them only in cases of emergency (i.e. he rolled in something nasty or is meeting an important relative). Your baby, however, is going to need to be bathed almost every day, and you will dread it just as often.

You will debate whether the judgment is worth it more than once, especially when your toddler develops the fun habit of running into traffic with reckless abandon. Your puppy, on the other hand, is fully expected to be on a leash in public.

That fluff and fur grows with him, you lucky pet mom. Mothers to human babies, however, should expect to purchase a new wardrobe for their children every three to six months, for about, um, 14 to 18 years.

Say you have guests over and your puppy is being naughty or annoying. Guess what? You can put that puppy in a crate and, while he might complain a bit, he'll probably fall asleep pretty quickly. Your baby's being a pill? Put her in a crib and see what happens (Hint: Pissed-off babies aren't known for being accommodating).

Decide you really want a puppy today? You can probably get one. Babies take a little longer to acquire, like nine to 10 months at a minimum.