The Big Bang Theory actress described the conflicting emotions of excitement and fear that she's feeling in a third-person narrative. "Melissa is expecting her first child. She is extremely overjoyed, but if she's being honest, due to the fact that she had a miscarriage the last time she was pregnant, she's pretty much terrified at the moment that it will happen again."
Losing a pregnancy is hard enough and can often overshadow the good news if you're able to get pregnant again. Rauch and her husband, Winston Beigel, know this all too well. In her essay she wrote: "She feels weird even announcing this at all, and would rather wait until her child heads off to college to tell anyone, but she figures she should probably share this news before someone sees her waddling around with her midsection protruding and announces it first."
And if that's not relatable enough, she bravely admits to sometimes feeling resentment toward other new moms. "During the time when I was grieving over my pregnancy loss or struggling with fertility issues, every joyful, expectant baby announcement felt like a tiny stab in the heart," she wrote. "It's not that I wasn't happy for these people, but I would think, "'Why are these shiny, carefree, fertile women so easily able to do what I cannot?'"
Rauch also got real about how she coped with her loss, referring to HGTV as her life raft through her personal storm of depression. And though the actress is over the moon regarding her current pregnancy, she wrote that sadness still creeps in: "I remember watching House Hunters International one night about three weeks after my miscarriage. Out of the blue, I began what I can only describe as 'projectile crying.' Like tears were literally spurting out of my eyeballs towards the TV, and they would not stop. Nothing in particular set it off."
The actress also took the time to knock the word "miscarriage" saying that it's "one of the worst, most blame-inducing medical terms ever" because it puts the blame on women. The sitcom star also advocated for women who've had miscarriages to take all the time they need to mourn their loss.
Although Rauch went through a tragic hardship, she maintains that she's focused more now than ever on being an incredible mom to her baby.
"All I really know for sure is that this experience has changed me forever. I know it's made me grateful for every moment of my current pregnancy, and I hope it will make me a better mother in some capacity when I can finally hold the child that has been in my heart in my arms.