Not quite a little kid, not quite a teen, this age range is where things may start to get tricky. They've entered middle school and are no longer the oldest kids at school, so there are a lot of things to potentially overhear from the bigger kids or a show they watch on TV. On top of that, they've likely dug into a deep enough social media hole (even with parental controls and rules) to see some iffy things in memes or on strangers' pages.
These are some of the things you may want to bring up with your tween:
- Puberty. Your child may have probably already had some sort of education about puberty starting in school, but either way, it's not just the job of your child's teachers to educate them about puberty and sex. Discuss periods and breasts with your child — explain to them what a pad and tampon are, and talk about bras. Talk about voices — and other things — dropping, and erections. And regardless of your child's sex, switch it, reverse it, and tell them about what the other sexes go through so that they know what all kids are expecting and how to act respectfully if, for example, their classmate's voice cracks while reading aloud in class or someone has a period-related stain on their clothes. Prepare your kids for the embarrassing moments to come for them and their peers and maybe things won't be so awkward after all.
- Bodily functions. New bodily functions and fluids go hand-in-hand with puberty, but there are a few little extras, we'll call them, such as wet dreams, that your kid might be worried about — or even be in the dark about. If you've kept an open dialogue with them up until now, they may even approach you about these weird happenings (or their curiosities with things like masturbation), but if not, bring them up.
- Sexual slang. Largely thanks to social media, it's a lot easier for kids to be in tune with the trendy slang for different sexual acts (think "Netflix and chill"). You owe it to your child — who's at an age when "being cool" can feel super important — to look these terms up and have a discussion with them about the things they're saying and hearing.
- Sex in the media. This is around the age when they'll want to start seeing PG-13 and even R-rated movies or shows that are likely to have more sexed-up content. You child's potential for seeing more intimate TV scenes or age-inappropriate movies may go up if they're staying up later with access to devices or spending time away from home at friends' houses, so it's a good time to bring up that sex in the media is typically unrealistic, especially when younger people are featured. Using a show or movie character's experiences is a great way to start a dialogue about sex with your tweens.
- Hormones and having relationships. At this age you might put the term relationship in quotes, but we can likely remember either ours or our friends' middle school flings and how "real" they felt. Discuss PDA, hand-holding, dates, loving feelings, and other seemingly innocent and turnkey things that could come up during your child's first relationship. (If you feel like you need to bring up sex at this age — or you're not sure — you should. Skip forward to hear more about that below.)
