10 Years of Marriage and 2 Kids Later, This Is How My Husband and I Stay Together

Updated on 7/15/2019 at 10:10 AM

My husband and I recently celebrated our 10-year wedding anniversary. Some of our groomsmen and bridesmaids helped us mark the occasion by pedaling a trolley through an unfamiliar city. It was 98 degrees and the sun blared down on us, but despite the grueling heat, we enjoyed every minute of each other. It's too bad a real marriage can't be that way all the time, right?

As we pedaled on, we caught the occasional breeze, which made the trip a little easier for a moment. Marriage can be like that, too. Sometimes we float through the easiness of things, barely pedaling. Other times, especially after babies enter the algorithm, we have to stand up and pedal hard up a mountain. Yes, our beloved children make marriage a little more difficult. And just like that ride in the intense heat, sometimes we aren't sure we'll make it until the end, but we know that if we try hard enough, we always do.

While my husband and I have been married for 10 years, we've been together for 17 years (it was on and off before we said "I do"). That's a long time to not kill the other person. Our marriage has been far from perfect, especially after having our two children, but today, we're still pedaling together, side by side. While my husband and I are still pretty young in our marriage (10 years is nothing when you've agreed on forever), here are the top 10 things I've learned so far.

Fight

Don't let the heavy stuff sit in your gut. Spew it out and let your partner know just how mad you are. Fight (respectfully) and move on. Plus, it's good that your children see that a real marriage takes work and isn't like a fairy tale.

Play

Just because you're growing older together doesn't mean you have to actually act old! Hike, ride bikes, run, play games —do whatever it is you find fun. Play both with and without your kids.

Be a Team Player

Parenting is hard. Join together and divide and conquer the chores, tasks, and parenting responsibilities. Let go of the small stuff and make sure you're on the same page for the big stuff. Don't make raising humans any harder than it has to be by getting hung up on things that won't matter next week.

Laugh

Every single day. Even if it's because you're so deliriously tired that you don't know what else to do. Let those giggles out with your kids, with your partner, and all together as a family.

Forgive

This one can be hard, but everyone messes up, big and small. Nobody is perfect. Accept the apologies, say sorry for things, and move on.

Challenge and Applaud

If you want your partner to be more active with you, ask them to sign up for a relay race together. If you want to find a new hobby, ask your partner if you can join them for theirs. Always cheer each other on, no matter how big or small the successes are. Acknowledge each other's efforts, from meeting their monthly work goals to unloading the dishwasher when you know they're tired.

Accept Their Flaws

Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that your partner is not going to be the one who makes the bed or puts the milk away after the use it. Know that you have your own similar flaws, and remember the life you've built together.

Flirt

Pinch your partner's butt, kiss them unexpectedly, wink at them from across the table — and do it in front of your kids, too, so they see how much their parents are still crazy about each other.

Make Time

I know it's hard to leave the kids, but try to make the time like you did before they were born. Explore a new city, camp, get on a plane, or simply sit on your couch and pour a glass of wine. You have to make the time to do it because nobody else will.

Make Decisions Together

It's not the 1950s anymore. You are equals, and you should both make an effort to pull the parenting weight, whether it's with housework or discipline. Remembering that you're a team will make your lives so much easier.