We Don't Talk Enough About "Almond Dads"
No One Talks About "Almond Dads"
Jayla Flowers never had an almond mom. What she did have, though, was an almond dad — a version of the satirized archetype that gets much less attention.
Whereas an almond mom might mask her judgment with a passive-aggressive, "Oh, you're still hungry?" or insist a handful of nuts is just as satisfying as the bag of chips you're craving, Flowers's dad was far less subtle.
There wasn't much sugarcoating, even when the subject was her appearance. If she reached for a candy bar, she recalls, he'd bluntly tell her to put it down or warn, "Don't get too big!" If her cheerleading uniform was snug, he'd point it out immediately — or better yet, propose an impromptu three-mile run to do something about it.
Still, Flowers says the comments didn't register as targeted critiques in the way one might expect from an almond mom. Instead, they felt more like knee-jerk observations, delivered with bluntness often associated with men. "An almond dad is a lot more straightforward or matter-of-fact about what he's observing," Flowers says. Flowers isn't alone here: in fact, she posted about having a "don't get too big" dad in a September TikTok that now has over half a million views and 100,000 likes.
Now 30, Flowers can laugh about those adolescent experiences. "I approach it with humor," she tells Popsugar. And although she says she didn't come away with any body-image issues, her account of growing up with an "almond dad" struck a nerve online, particularly with daughters who recognized their own fathers in her story.
Experts Featured in This Article
Janet Leydecker, PhD, is an associate professor of psychiatry at the Indiana University School of Medicine who specializes in eating disorders and weight stigma.
Linda Hamilton, PhD, clinical psychologist specializing in eating disorders, body image, and occupational stress in performers.
What Is an "Almond Dad"?
By now, the almond mom has become a familiar internet archetype: a female guardian whose preoccupation with "healthy" eating and thinness spills over into how she raises her children. She might count calories, reserve compliments only for when her child loses weight, or treat smaller portions as a badge of honor.
But those attitudes aren't exclusive to women. Men can reinforce them too, though they tend to communicate diet-culture beliefs differently, says clinician-scientist Janet Lydecker, PhD.
Rather than obsessing over fitting into smaller jeans or subsisting on a handful of nuts for lunch, an almond dad might frame his concerns under the guise of fitness, discipline, and strength, Dr. Lydecker says. Sometimes, it sounds motivational: "You can have dessert since you went to the gym today." He might praise his kid for looking "strong," "toned," or "lean," rather than using the almond mom vocabulary of "thin" or "slim." Protein becomes celebrated as essential, while carbs are something to limit or avoid.
Parents don't have to comment directly on their children's bodies to leave a lasting impression, Dr. Leydecker adds. Kids might repeatedly hear their father berate himself for missing a 5 a.m. gym session just once, watch him scrutinize the nutrition label on a carton of milk, or absorb the idea that ordinary foods fall into rigid categories of "clean" versus "bad." Yet their influence has received less attention — and flak — for a few reasons.
"Culture plays a big role," says performance psychology specialist Linda Hamilton, PhD. Historically, "moms are under a microscope for everything that happens in the household in terms of raising kids. And fathers are considered secondary caretakers. So they're not given the same weight as a mother." Not to mention, the broader conversation around diet culture has also focused on girls and women, research shows, leaving less room to recognize how men may experience similar pressures and pass them down to the next generation.
How to Handle an "Almond Dad"
Of course, not every dad who comments on size or takes his fitness routine a little too seriously is acting with harmful intent. In many cases, Dr. Leydecker says, "parents are overwhelmingly intending good for their child." They may genuinely believe they're being motivational and instilling healthy habits. "Some of these [messages] also slip out because they're ingrained in the parent themselves," Dr. Leydecker adds — a reminder that full-grown adults can too be victims of diet culture.
Good intentions, however, don't necessarily spare children from the consequences. "The long-term issues are profound," Dr. Hamilton says. "Body image is formed during adolescence and you can carry a negative body image your entire life. It's more likely to lead to disordered eating when you start restricting and having anxiety about food."
Which is why, as a first step, "education is important," Dr. Hamilton says. That starts with paying closer attention to how often you comment on appearance. Praising a child for losing weight, for example, may seem supportive, but it also suggests that a smaller frame is inherently better. Parents can also help their kids develop a more flexible relationship with food by moving away from moralizing labels like "good" and "bad" or reinforcing that a balanced diet includes both nourishing meals and a favorite snack — without either becoming a source of guilt. Similarly, exercise can be framed around enjoying movement, building strength, and feeling good rather than changing how one's appearance.
Just as important is how those conversations happen. Despite her own almond dad's bluntness, Flowers says his actions didn't hurt her self-esteem — or their relationship — in part because of the way he delivered them: with care, not criticism. "Time, place, and tone made a huge difference for me growing up," she explains. He wasn't making embarrassing remarks in front of extended family or calling attention to her body at vulnerable moments. "If you're enjoying your birthday cake, that's probably not the time to tell your child that they're gaining weight," she adds.
Still, what one person brushes off as a harmless joke may stick with another, making it important for parents to be willing to listen, reflect, and adjust, Dr. Leydecker suggests. Because in a culture that already gives people plenty of reasons to scrutinize themselves, home shouldn't be another place they feel they're falling short.
Jenna Ryu (she/her) is a writer who covers relationships, friendships, mental health, fitness, and beauty. Most recently, she was the lifestyle writer at SELF, where she reported on the latest wellness trends and launched the magazine's first friendship advice column, Asking for a Friend. Her work has also appeared in Outside Magazine and The Washington Post.
