How to Feel Confident
7 Signs It's Time to Do a Major Life Clean-Up (and Not in Your House!)
Do things feel a little out of your control and overwhelming? Our friends at YourTango are here to help you figure out if your life needs a little makeover and to help build your confidence so you feel truly empowered.
A cleanse that has nothing to do with juice.
How do you respond when you're asked: "How are you?"
Is it the usual, "I'm OK" or "I'm fine"?
Or is it, "Not too bad" or "I'm surviving"?
What would it take for you to be able to respond with, "I'm doing great" or even, "I couldn't possibly be better"?
When people ask you, do they really want to know? Probably not, but how you respond can be very revealing about you and how you experience life and your sense of happiness.
If your experience is anything short of fabulous, it's time to take a hard look at yourself. Which can be a challenge, I know.
Sometimes even knowing where to start is tough.
To help you figure out how to feel confident and truly empowered, start with a look inside. Here are some signs that it's time to fix your life and build up your self-esteem.
1. You complain . . . a lot.
You get easily irritated by people and circumstances.
You are also quick to find someone to blame when things don't work out for you and you find yourself disappointed. Your misfortunes are always someone else's fault.
The truth is, you're the creator of your experience.
You may not always have control over your situation . . . but you get to chose how you react to it.
Stop reacting and start responding.
Related: 20 Motivational Quotes To Boost Your Confidence & Get You Back In Motion
2. You routinely seek affirmation from others.
Instead of making decisions for yourself, and trusting your own instinct, you routinely ask for others' opinion about things you need to do or are considering doing.
You figure if they think it's a good idea, then you have validation that your idea is OK. You don't easily make decisions for yourself and are happy when others make a decision for you. This way you escape any responsibility should things go awry.
This is a clear sign you don't trust yourself and your confidence needs a boost.
3. You're a chronic people-pleaser.
You consistently go out of your way to make sure everyone you know is happy even at the expense of what's important to you.
Say you set aside some time to take care of something important to you … school or work for example, and while you're tending to your important matter, a friend calls you and asks you for a ride to the airport.
You gladly drop what you're doing and tend to the needs of your friend. To you, this just seems to be what good friends do for each other.
The truth is, a true friend could easily take an Uber and would respect your need to tend to your important matter and would think no less of you for doing so.
Learn to graciously say no and stop putting everyone else's needs above your own.
4. You compare yourself to others.
When out and about, you find yourself looking at others and judging how you stack up to them by how they look, who they're with, what they do, and/or what they have.
You see an attractive guy and see who he's with and think, "What's he doing with her?"
This constant looking at how you "measure up" to others is a clear sign you need to take a good look at yourself. The problem is you're too busy looking at everyone else and not focusing on improving yourself.
5. You're uncomfortable being alone.
Being alone brings on feelings like nobody cares, like you're a loser because you have no one to hang out with.
Being alone gives your inner critic fertile ground to wreak havoc on your self-worth.
If you experience a sense of being uncomfortable when being alone, it's time to invest in building your own self-worth.
Wayne Dwyer said it best: "You never have to worry about being alone if you are comfortable with the person you're alone with."
Related: 15 Make-Or-Break Ways Your Self Esteem Affects Your Relationship
6. You have a string of failed relationships.
They typically ended the same way. Perhaps he cheated on you, was abusive to you, or neglected you.
You've basically dated the same guy over and over, but just with a different face. Each relationship ends in the same result.
Consider this. What's the common denominator in all of these failed relationships?
Consider what it is about you that misses the early warning signs of a person who is going to hurt you? And why do you keep choosing the same type of guy time and time again.
7. Your wardrobe doesn't fit right.
At least YOU think so. You're concerned about the way you look and get frustrated when things just don't seem to look or fit right.
You're afraid of what others will think about the way you appear. You've developed a habit of spending long periods of time looking in the mirror primping and adjusting your hair, makeup and what you're wearing to attain a satisfactory look for fear that others with see a flaw and think less of you.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to look your best, but feeling insecure about your appearance and always trying to uphold that perfect look is a drain on your confidence.
Related: 10 Ways To Have Killer Confidence Every Single Day
These are some of traits I have seen in the women I've worked with.
But it's not hopeless. In fact, it's possible to go from relating deeply to these warning signs to fully empowered and confident with who you are.
Truly confident people are at peace with themselves. They're not overly concerned about other's opinions.
They're confident in the decisions they make and are OK with mistakes because they learn from them.
They don't complain because they see the best in people and circumstances. They exercise and eat healthy because they see this as a form of self-care.
They've recognized that these traits no longer serve them and have made a conscious effort to change.
You can, too.
Craig Nielson serves as a Professional Coach, speaker, and educator helping women who feel insecure with self-doubt to becoming fully empowered with self-confidence. Learn more and get a free consultation and e-book at www.myinternalimage.com.
Check out more great stories from YourTango:
- 10 Ways To Exude Confidence When You're Seriously Introverted
- Get It Together, Girl: 13 Signs Your Life Is A Hot Freaking MESS
- How You Sabotage Yourself, According To Your Zodiac Sign
Product Credit: A.L.C. top and pants, Iconery ring, Clare Vivier bag, Gabriela Artigas cuff