I'm in a Shame Spiral Because of These Trader Joe's Products

If you buy flowers from a regular grocery store (or, for those of you who are just pooping out money, a florist), you'll usually just get, well, flowers. But not if you buy a bouquet from Trader Joe's.

If you take home any of their flowers, you get — free of charge, I might add — a fruit fly colony starter kit. In just a few days, you can have your very own swarm of nature's telemarketers (as I like to call them) covering every surface of your kitchen. And if they become too much for you, don't worry — you can just pack up all your worldly possessions and move (take note: in California and Oregon, your home now legally belongs to the flies).