11 Reasons Pizza Is Better Than Valentine's Day

In case you didn't know, time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. Or at least that's what the wise Aubrey Plaza once said. In other words, pizza rules everything around us. In fact, we love pizza so much that we believe everyone should just ditch Valentine's Day and have a big pizza party. The holiday of love (also known as a corporate vortex of doom) is flooding your news stream, and there are far more important things to talk about . . . like pizza. So stop wasting your life on roses or hearts, and go scarf down a flat slice of real love.

01
It's saucier than any Valentine's Day bedroom scenario.
Giphy

It's saucier than any Valentine's Day bedroom scenario.

I mean come on — look at that sauce.

02
It stretches in ways that no man can on any day of the year.
Giphy

It stretches in ways that no man can on any day of the year.

Look at that gooey flexibility.

03
Pizza will never run out on you.
Nickelodeon

Pizza will never run out on you.

But your Feb. 14 date just might.

04
You look way hotter eating pizza than you do wearing lingerie.
Giphy

You look way hotter eating pizza than you do wearing lingerie.

Ugh what's with the requirement to wear the tiniest underwear on V-Day? Can we just associate the holiday with flannel onesies?

05
You can enjoy pizza with friends.
Giphy

You can enjoy pizza with friends.

You can only enjoy Valentine's Day with your significant other. Unless you're into polyamory or something.

06
You can sing sweet nothings to your pizza.
Disney

You can sing sweet nothings to your pizza.

To your date? Probably not.

07
Pizza will be there for you all the time, every day.
New Line Cinema

Pizza will be there for you all the time, every day.

Could you imagine if Valentine's Day was there every single day of your life? Barf.

08
You know that the way pizza looks will never disappoint you.
Disney

You know that the way pizza looks will never disappoint you.

But the way your Valentine's Day date looks, that's a different story. Has he ever heard the term "collared shirt"?

09
No matter how much pizza you eat, you will feel good about it in the end.
NBC

No matter how much pizza you eat, you will feel good about it in the end.

Can you say the same about conversation hearts? I thought not.

10
Holding a piece of pizza makes you look cool.
Warner Bros.

Holding a piece of pizza makes you look cool.

Holding a bouquet of flowers is so cliché and mainstream.

11
Pizza is the most low-maintenance relationship you'll ever have.
Columbia Pictures

Pizza is the most low-maintenance relationship you'll ever have.

Valentine's Day requires effort. All pizza asks is that you enjoy its perfectly rotund existence.