Here's What to Ask If You're Wondering If You'll Be Compatible or Not
If you're starting a new relationship, you might wonder if you'll end up being compatible or not. Of course, you don't want to waste each other's time, so it's a good idea to figure things out ASAP, in a casual way. You might not experience all of these issues early on, which can cause you to strengthen the relationship on the surface level, but as you do start to have the "big talk" and open up discussion for serious matters that could affect the long term, you'll begin to determine whether or not this relationship has real potential for lasting success. Hopefully, it does! Here are a few subject matters that can cause controversy in a relationship — as in, if you don't agree, it could cause obstacles moving forward.
How to Handle Arguments
If your partner is a shouter and you're pretty avoidant when it comes to arguments, you could really butt heads as a team. "Some people need to discuss things for closure, while others prefer to just drop the issue. If you disagree on how to resolve a conflict, then you will have compatibility issues," David Bennett, a relationship counselor and the owner of Double Trust Dating and Relationships, told POPSUGAR. "I have seen many couples grow apart when one wants or needs to discuss the disagreement to process it, while the other withdraws, needing alone time to get over the fight," he explains. This behavior should match up to overcome fights as quickly and easily as possible.
The Relationship Timeline
"If one partner wants to get engaged, married, and have kids right away, while the other partner isn't even sure if they want to go for another month, let alone even think about kids, it can cause compatibility issues," says Bennett. While you're not going to pop the question about kids on date one, if you do start to get serious, it's bound to come up, so you don't want to wait too long to gently approach the matter.
If your partner wants to get hot and heavy a few times each week and you've only got enough stamina for a Saturday night, it could pose problems for your relationship, as sexual chemistry is a big factor. "Some people want sex all the time, and others prefer occasional sexual affection. If you seem to always differ on what constitutes a healthy amount of sexual activity, then this could impact overall compatibility," explains Bennett. Meeting in the middle could resolve this, but if you can't agree and you're the one who likes getting frisky often, you'll likely find yourself very sexually frustrated.
How You Spend Your Bonuses
"One major area couples often disagree about is money. Often, it boils down to each partner's philosophy on saving and spending," says Bennett. Some people take the view that if you have it, spend it. (YOLO, right?) Others, however, believe saving is the better value, which is probably smart, to be honest. "If you disagree on this, you'll be in a constant push-pull battle about what's the best way to handle your money," he says.
How Private of a Person You Are
"I have seen this crop up lately, where one partner is very private and likes to keep their feelings and activities known among a small group of people, while their partner loves airing everything on social media," says Bennett. If you're glued to your Insta feed and are always into PDA, posting about your whereabouts, and snapping selfies all the time, it could get on your partner's nerves. "If one partner likes to remain low-key and out of the limelight and their partner is always sharing everything, this can create some real compatibility issues," he explains.
You're a team! If one partner is doing the dishes and vacuuming and making the beds and doing the laundry and more and more while the other partner watches, it's going to cause some strain on the relationship. "If one partner believes there should be a balance, while the other partner believes the lower earner is responsible for cooking and cleaning, there will be issues since there are different expectations," explains Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW.
Time With Friends and Family
If your partner is a social butterfly and has a vast network, while you like to keep to yourself, it could cause issues in the relationship in terms of what to do on weekends and with whom to spend time with. The same goes for choosing between friends and family. "If one person expects to see family for every holiday and do FaceTime weekly, while the other person likes spending holidays with friends, there will need to be compromise," says Hershenson.