Romance and sex may be just "metaphorical concepts" when you've got little children running amok in your house, but the intimacy shouldn't be nonexistent. In fact, if you let your sex life die with your partner, your marriage will suffer down the line. And really, can you make a whole relationship sweet (romance) and spicy (sexy time!) in just one day, aka Valentine's Day? That's a huge task for one little "24-hour" period of time, you know. Between wiping mouths and butts and screaming phrases that make you sound exactly like your mother, step away from mommy duty for a minute, grab your big-girl sexy panties, and take on the 28 Day Romance and Sex Challenge! You can do it — you're Wonder Woman, remember? This "challenge" is full of simple yet fun and easy things you can do in the month of February to spice up life with your old ball and chain! It will be a month to remember, and who knows? Maybe the ball will keep rolling throughout 2018. Your marriage will thank you for it. Get ready to play, ladies — and gentlemen!
Day 1: The Sexy Note
You text and FB message, don't you? Well, take a few minutes out of your day to start February off right with a sexy message to your main squeeze. Something like "I can't wait to see you naked tonight." If you just giggled out loud saying that, go tamer with "I want to show you my panties later." And if you're really racy, get descriptive! You can't go wrong.
Day 2: Shower Time
You don't always have time to have sex, but you should have time for a shower. OK — let's be real . . . Getting a shower in during those infancy days or if you have more than one kid is a challenge. But set aside even just five minutes early in the morning or late at night, and ask your partner to join you! It doesn't have to lead to sex — it could just be five or 10 minutes of sensual time together. If your kids catch you, just explain you're cleaning Daddy's boo-boo.
Oh, that didn't sound good, now did it?
Day 3: Go Commando
I'm not suggesting you pull this off at a playdate, but find an opportune — or inopportune time, if you're a kinky mommy — and leave the panties in the laundry hamper. Whether you've got time to show your partner in love or not, casually mention you forgot your thong today. Let him witness and confirm . . . And you take it from there!
Day 4: The Snapshot
There's nothing more memorable than a picture. Tuck a shot of the two of you, prekids, into your significant other's bag, wallet, or wherever! Are you strictly a digital momma? Send a tender image via text — make sure though it's from the early days of your courting.
Day 5: Massage
Offer a massage. Maybe it's while you're catching up on your DVR, or perhaps it's just a five-minute shoulder rub while he's shoving down breakfast. Touch is usually reciprocated with . . . touch. And the more touching well?
If you're happy and you know it . . . use your hands!
Day 6: Sweets For Your Sweet
Sneak your love's favorite sweet somewhere, and add a little love note. Not exactly a wordsmith? Find a Shakespeare love quote via your BFF Google, and add it with those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Tasty — and tender at the same time!
Day 7: Return to the Beginning
Make it a point to spend even just a few minutes back where you met — or where you had your first date. Just talking about that first time will let the memories flood back.
Day 8: May I Have This Dance?
Unless he's comfy on his feet, chances are he may dodge this offer. Give him a glass of wine or a beer first, and then take a spin on the living room "dance floor" to some music. You may feel like a klutz or a bit foolish, but add another tune on Pandora and keep the flow going. Pick the right tunes also: Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On," anyone?
The rhythm is gonna get you? If you want to up the ante, take him out for a trial dance lesson. What's sexier than salsa? This is why I was formerly married to a Cuban guy. Nice tush — good feet.
Day 9: Role-Play
It's time to get down and dirty (naughty schoolteacher) or slow and easy (nurse wife at your services). Whatever your best mate's fantasy, enact it. If you're ambitious and open-minded, send him a text telling him that the teacher needs to see him after the kids are in bed for a serious lecture — he won't know what hit him! Then, get in costume. If your acting chops make people want to chuck a tomato at you, just stick to a little bit of dirty talk during sex.
Worst-case scenario? If your kid catches you, tell her you're just playing dress-up like she does. Just try to cover up your boobs if need be.
Day 10: Take a Stroll
I understand that for some of us on the East Coast and Midwest, it's a tad bit nipply out — no pun intended! But grab a time that's not below zero, and head out for a walk with your love. Number one — it's a free date! Number two — it's good exercise and fresh air. Just be sure to get a babysitter or even just a neighbor to watch the kids for 30 minutes even.
One rule? No talking about the kids.
Day 11: On Camera
This isn't something for everyone, but if you feel daring . . . tape yourselves during the act of lovemaking . . . or even just kissing.
Then, watch it alone a few days later, but no matter how fat you think your thighs are (they're not!), enjoy it. It might even turn you on.
Day 11: The Quickie
Pick 20 minutes out of your day — whether it's during a nap, midnight, or 5 in the morning, and have a quickie with your partner . . . anywhere. Kitchen, basement, bathroom — just do it!
Day 12: The List
It's very common for couples to talk when there is a problem or issue at hand, but how often do you just stop to tell your partner, "Hey, you're awesome?" You probably say I love you a billion times, but after a while, how much weight does that carry?
Write an old-fashioned note listing 15 things you love about your partner.
Day 13: The Public Act
Pick a public place to get naughty. If you can get a babysitter, make out at a bar. If you can't get a babysitter, fool around in the car late at night. Will you feel stupid at first? Sure, but once all the "body parts" activate, you won't feel so stupid. Changing "location" is good for your sex life, and a public act just ups the excitement.
Day 14: Be the Model
Let your partner pick your outfit out for the day. If your partner in crime loves you in red, deal with it and flaunt it! How lovely is it to feel sexy for your partner?
Day 15: Let the Games Begin
Free date-night alert: naked Twister! Before you roll your eyes, this will be not only fun but also funny. Perhaps the winner gets to pick out his or her favorite "sexual" favor as a prize. Be sure to do while the kids are sleeping; otherwise, they might want to join in, especially if they're between the ages of 1 and 3 when kids love to be naked!
Day 16: No Sex, Just Kissing
Remember when you had to tell your boyfriend, "No second base?" Well, this is a similar game. Stick to just the three bases — do I need to explain those? — but no intercourse. Then the next day, try this again. The third night? Go buckwild. It's the thrill of the chase and buildup, isn't it?
Day 17: Wedding Song
Send an audio or video clip of your wedding song, or if you're a hopeless romantic, write out the words to your sweetie and hit send. This is one text that's safe enough to be read at work.
Day 18: Food = Love
Make your loved one's favorite meal for dinner — and let him eat it by himself, in peace and quiet. (Just like you wish you could do as a mother sometimes, right?) Let him savor the food!
Day 19: Sexual, Chocolate
Bring woman's best friend chocolate to the dinner table . . . after the kids are asleep. Whip out an assortment — white, dark, milk, truffles, bars, etc. . . . And as your partner feeds you a bite at a time, you remove one article of clothes. No chocolate? No nakey. Hint: start with white and build to the darkest cocoa.
Day 20: Officer, We Have an Arrest
Too tired for sex but feeling a little pissed off? Channel your anger and handcuff your hot stuff and tease away! Then afterward, go to bed.
OK . . . I would prefer you weren't so cruel. The goal of this challenge: tease and then please. If not that night, the next day.
Day 21: The Wedding
Revisit the walk down the aisle. Watch the video. Look at the photos. Remember the love.
Day 22: Sexy Sunday
Remember when you could lie around in a t-shirt and panties while having sex or eating comfort food all day with your partner on a Sunday prekids? Do it! Drop the kids off at the grandparents, and spend the day in your skivvies.
Note: He can't watch sports. No social media or checking email. Just movies, sex, and food. Repeat.
Day 23: The Talk
For 20 minutes today, sit down and talk to your partner while holding hands. The chat topics: no work or kids. Stick to these three: sex, life dreams, or why you have chosen to be with each other. If you must bribe a quiet guy to speak, use your wiles if need be!
Day 24: Lunch Is on Me
Make your partner a lunch to take to work, but be sure it's a childhood lunch favorite — think homemade pizza, PB&J, or macaroni and cheese. Tuck in a note that tells your partner how much you love him.
Day 25: Just For You
If you don't know, ask your partner what his favorite "porn" themes are. Yes, he probably watches porn. Then, find a good one, and send him a link. Tell him to let you know later if he enjoyed it.
Too prude for that? Send him some photos of some sexy women to his phone. He'll like it.
Day 26: Flirt and Tell
Whether you're a SAHM or working momma, flirt with someone — appropriately. Obviously don't jump into the sack with someone. Flirt and then tell your partner. Tell them how good it made you feel — it usually does.
If he's insanely jealous — you may want to reconsider that and, instead, tell him to flirt and report back. Remember, you've chosen each other. Be confident! A little flirting won't hurt.
Day 27: Instruct and Deliver
It's Friday night! When the lights are out — or on, if you prefer — give your partner a tutorial in oral activities. A man likes to be instructed now and then — just don't be too mean, OK? Also, be sure to take a little instruction yourself. You can't just receive — you must give.
Day 28: Stranger Saturday
Can you snag a sitter? Both of you go out — without each other. Dress up. Make him clean up well. Go have fun. Don't say where you're going. A little mystery is exciting. Remember when you wondered where he was when you first dated? What he was doing? When you get back later, don't talk — just go to the bedroom. The kids should be asleep already, god willing. If not, kiss them good night. Then just proceed to have sex for at least an hour. Don't worry about being tired. You're a mom. You're tired for life, lady!
Now that the challenge is done, how do you two feel? Talk about it! Happy Valentine's Day, and may love be with you all year long!