Upon returning from a work trip, mom blogger Amy Betters-Midtvedt discovered that her husband, Todd, may just be a funnier writer than her thanks to his candid account of a morning alone with their five children while she was out of town.
In a post to her blog's Facebook page, Hiding in the Closet With Coffee, Amy shared her husband's hilarious recount of the weekday morning, titled "The Reality of Being a Dad When Mom's Out of Town."
Todd begins his story by informing readers that Amy left him to run the household for a few days — "piece of cake, right?" — and starts right at the beginning on his first morning flying solo. "Alarm went off. Too damn early," the dad wrote. "I knew I needed to get three of my five kids up and ready for school. After brainstorming ways to do this without actually getting out of bed, I settled on 'pinging' their iPhones with the Find My iPhone app."
After making a cup of coffee, the dad referred to his wife's extensive agenda, which outlined everything from school schedules and extracurriculars to what he should prepare for dinner. Having "handled" his daughters' argument with a "stop, please" before setting his son up for success with a box of cereal and a spoon, Todd proceeded to look over his son's four-page field trip permission slip — which he discovered was already overdue — and made an executive decision to leave that until his wife's return.
"Kitchen is a disaster, house is a mess. It's all good. I usually get this all cleaned up about an hour before my wife gets back from her trips," Todd continued. "Burn the bagel I put in the toaster for my daughter. I think I hear her refer to my wife as 'the glue that holds us all together.' Went to great lengths to transfer money into school lunch accounts so I wouldn't have to pack lunches. Couldn't figure it out and had to text my wife to help me. She figured it out from another state."
After realizing he didn't have the $20 his daughters needed for their homecoming dance, the dad sent the older kids off, promising to drop the cash off at the high school later that morning after dealing with the "second wave" of kids. This part of the morning didn't go much smoother what with his daughter crying over a pair of missing shorts necessary for Spirit Day and his son requesting macaroni and cheese for lunch 10 minutes before the bus was to arrive.
With 15 minutes until the elementary school bell was to ring and the bus long gone, Todd helped his daughter choose a runner-up pair of shorts and drove his little kids to school.
He then headed back home to get himself ready and text his job that he'd be late before tackling the last item on the morning list: the $20 for his daughters' homecoming dance.
Need cash. Stop at the Kwik Trip to take advantage of the no-charge ATM. And okay, to get a breakfast sandwich. Settled on an egg and cheese burrito.
Drive to the high school to drop money off for the older girls. This burrito is better than expected. Parked in the parking lot and put my daughter's name on the envelope. Dang, this burrito is good.
Walk in the office, drop off the envelope with the money, text my daughter that it's waiting for her, go back to my car and FINALLY leave for work. Except that burrito was so good and it's all I can think about now. And Kwik Trip is right there, so despite being late for work, I pull back in and buy one more egg and cheese burrito. I'm not kidding . . . it's so cheesy! A perfect ratio of egg and cheese. So if you have a Kwik Trip nearby — try the egg and cheese burrito. It's so good.
Amy jumps in at the end of the hilarious post and humors Todd's very important takeaway from the long morning alone with his children: "Thank you Todd Midtvedt. So happy you survived."