Jenna Kutcher, a body positive photographer and social media influencer, has never shied away from sharing her fertility struggles on Instagram. Ever since announcing that she was pregnant again a few months ago, Jenna has been vocal about how exciting and scary expecting a baby can be if you've had a miscarriage before. In a recent post, she explained how her nerves are seriously no joke now that she's 21 weeks along.
"It still doesn't feel real," wrote Jenna. "Last night we were at dinner and the waiter asked if I wanted something to drink and my sister said, 'She's pregnant' and it took me a second to realize she was talking about me."
And while Jenna is undoubtedly savoring every moment of her pregnancy journey, she admits that a tinge of anxiety overcomes her every time she heads to the doctor's office.
"Today we had our 20 week ultrasound (1 week late) and I felt all the feels," she said, adding that: "I was nervous that everything would really be okay but I was also nervous because I had promised myself that it would start to feel real after this appointment and I was scared it wouldn't be true."
"Deep down, you worry it will be ripped away again."
Although Jenna and her husband are ecstatic about growing their family, letting yourself fully embrace pregnancy can be understandably challenging when you've lost a baby in the past.
"When you've been through loss and stopped dreaming, it's really hard to break down the walls you built to protect yourself and allow yourself to really feel that joy — because deep down, you worry it will be ripped away again," explained Jenna. "We saw our baby squirming on the screen, as I write this I can feel the little kicks and jabs, we started planning a nursery, we got word that baby is healthy and I am just in awe of what a total and complete miracle it all is."
Jenna explained that even though you can never forget your feelings of loss, the experience doesn't have to define you completely.
"If you're in a season of uncertainty or struggle, I want you to know this: there is more for you, your story doesn't end here," she said. "You will never be 'cured' from the pain you're walking through, but you will never, ever take a single day of joy for granted again."