Is Your Ego Getting in the Way of Your Parenting?
Keeping your ego intact while being a good mother is a balancing act I can't quite seem to conquer. After I became a full-time stay-at-home mom, it felt like my identity and ego kept getting buried under dirty diapers, dishes in the sink, and laundry in the hamper. The fog of new motherhood made me forget what used to fuel me as an individual. With my teaching career behind me, I didn't exercise or write anymore, and the only books I ever read were about childrearing. I didn't do much for myself during those first two years of having small children, and my ego vanished.
Finally, I had had enough. I needed to get to know myself again. So, when I decided to open up my laptop, run my legs, and take a graduate class, my ego bounced right back. Almost too quickly, actually. When I started running and writing again, a tough armor developed over me. I felt like I had put my time into the motherhood department and that my ego needed my emphasis. My skin grew thick and I acted entitled.
It was great that I was reacquainted with myself again, but at what cost?
My fingers typed away at that keyboard for hours at a time. My feet hit the pavement, prepping my body for a half-marathon. That's right; I was giving time to myself and uncovering that ego that was buried for so long — only, that tough armor that I had developed made me a worse mother. It was great that I was reacquainted with myself again, but at what cost?
I read fewer books with my children. I spent less time playing hide-and-seek or building Lego skyscrapers. When my children asked, "Mommy, will you play with me?", I often responded, "In a minute." Well, those minutes turned into hours, and slowly, they didn't ask me as often. It was as if my children were flies and I was shooing them away. I didn't make them feel like they were worth my time — like they were the most important things in my life. Yes, my tough armor gave me my ego back, but I had to trade in memories with my children for it. Thankfully, the guilt crept in, and I started to regret losing those memories. I'm grateful that the guilt woke me up and allowed me to knock that chip off my shoulder.
Today, I'm a freelancer and still try to squeeze in time to run, but I have yet to find the perfect balancing act for my ego. What I do know is that I will constantly strive to keep my ego unburied by doing things that I love while also dedicating time to my children. "They're only little once," as the saying goes. Instead of the world revolving around me, me, me, I make sure that I please both myself and the kids. I make sure to spend time with them reading, getting messy with glitter and glue, and building tall towers that we can knock down together. I also listen to that guilty conscience of mine — it's there for a reason, you know. Yes, that guilt serves as my reminder that I need to focus on my kids more.
When that happens, I try to focus on them more or even do something special with them. Maybe we'll take a trip to the bowling alley, have a fun dinner out, or walk to the park. I also try to schedule things more. I don't let myself get buried under my kids and their activities. I make myself a priority by scheduling in time. Yes, I get out the planner, the old-school calendar hanging in our kitchen, and set reminders on my phone for the time I schedule for myself. Simply being more cognizant of my time has helped tremendously. Because, as mothers, it's vital to give time to yourself while also sharing it with your children.
Digging out my ego was vital in my survival of motherhood, but creating that tough armor wasn't. And although I'm still learning how to do this mothering business, I now know that balancing my ego and motherhood is something I don't need to conquer at all — only give my best.