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11 Mad Truths About the New iPhones

The iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus, which debuted this week, have sent humans into a frenzy. An Apple spokesman said the new smartphones set "a record number of preorders overnight." The 6 Plus is back-ordered until October (womp), and since you'll have plenty of time on your hands while waiting for your new jumbo phone, you might as well sit back and have a few laughs about all that money you just spent. In what follows, 10 people spew mad — but hilarious — truths about Apple's new phones.

1. One Is Giant, and the Other Is Gargantuan

2. Preorder Page = Refreshing For an Eternity

3. Jony Ive = Also Refreshing For an Eternity

4. All the Money in Your Savings Can't Buy You a Contract-Free Phone

5. The iPhone 6 Plus Is Almost as Big as This Baby

6. Email Is Just Better on the Giant Phone

7. There's an Awkward Reason Some People Prefer the 6 Plus

8. Next Year, You'll Have So Much iPhone Remorse

9. Your iPhone 5 Will Immediately Feel Obsolete

10. Old iPhones Will Become Majorly Jelly

11. Apple's Free U2 Move Was Cool at First, but Then . . .

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