This 7-Day Romance Challenge Will Remind You That You're More Than Just Tired Parents

“After work and putting children to bed, most parents have little left to give at the end of the night,” Kim told POPSUGAR. Instead of trying – and failing – to schedule late-night sex, make a commitment to set your alarm 30 minutes earlier than you normally get up and use that time to sexually connect. “You’ll be energized and full of plenty of pleasure hormones and neurotransmitters to start the morning,” she said. “Like I always say: ‘I don’t do coffee, I do orgasms!’ Plus, that feeling will uplift you throughout your day.”

Between the way they discipline the kids to how they let dishes pile in the sink, there are certainly things about your partner that might irritate you. But for just one day, operate by the golden rule: if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. The only words you should utter should be affirmative ones. “The more loving and positive things you can say about your partner, the more they will inhabit this place in themselves,” Kim said. “And it also keeps your gaze on seeing what’s amazing about them, rather than looking at the negative.”

The same goes for when you are chatting with friends with whom you’d normally vent your frustrations. Resist the urge to complain about your partner and instead say something kind. According to Kim, if you do it enough, it’s habit-forming: “what you focus on grows.”

When you are apart all day, it’s important to maintain a “simmer in your connection,” Kim said. But that doesn’t mean you have to take on an exhibitionistic alter ego to send risqué “sexts,” especially if they only make you feel uncomfortable. Even a “you looked great this morning” or a simple “love you!” work wonders. They are “simple enough to let the other person know you are thinking about them – both emotionally and sexually,” Kim said.

Dust off your wedding album, scroll way back to the beginning of your Facebook feed, and pull out the box with all the mementos you saved from your first date or vacation as a couple. Together, pour over the memories from the early years of your relationship. “Reminiscing about adventures and experiences you’ve had together as a couple, before children, can help remind you of what drew you to each other to begin with,” Kim said.

Get out the kitchen timer because there’s no cutting corners on this one: Kim believes couples need a regular, solid chunk of non-negotiable intimacy time with their partner. “No dinner, no movie – just you and your partner naked and touching each other in some way,” Kim instructed. “Snacks are fine, and pillow talk in between play is great, but the essence of the three hours is to be physically intimate in a non-rushed way.” Although you aren’t required to hire a babysitter or book a hotel, it’s certainly recommended if you can’t trust your kids to stay asleep for the duration of what Kim calls the “bedrock” of a relationship. “No matter what else happens all week, you need to have this time to be together uninterrupted,” she said.

In advance of this day, think of five great qualities about your partner and make a point of telling them each one, no matter how small or profound. “They can be simple things like, ‘I appreciate how you always clean up the playroom’ to ‘you are the most satisfying lover I’ve ever had,’” Kim said.

But then comes the hard part: these honest displays of gratitude should then, by day’s end, lead to each of you having the safe space to open up about one thing you’ve been struggling to tell the other, such as feeling unappreciated to needing more help sharing the housework. “Employ a ‘clean as you go’ policy with communication,” Kim recommended. “It’s important to clear the air and say what’s on your mind. Otherwise, these things remain unspoken and begin to take up mental space. And everything shows up in bed, making you feel less sexually attracted. Over time, people begin to think they have a ‘low libido,’ when really, it’s just years of unhealed and unspoken resentments.”

Make a point to touch as much as possible on this day, especially when out and about and when you wouldn’t otherwise do so – like at the playground or while grocery shopping. “Everyone loves touch, and public displays of affection from your partner reinforces that you care, you are attracted, and that you want to make them feel good,” Kim said.