I'll admit that when pressed I can come up with a pretty extensive holiday wish list for myself, full of material items I covet but don't really need (except that fancy handbag, hubby; I really do need that). But what do I, like most moms, really want for Christmas? We have loftier goals, ones that can't be purchased at even the fanciest boutique.
In a perfect world, here's what would be under mom's tree on Christmas morning.
- A baby snooze button. It's still dark out and you stayed up too late checking your Instagram feed or your kid decided to pay you a visit from midnight until 3 a.m.? No matter; once you hear those first cries or calls for mommy, you simply push a button, and it's all clear for another nine minutes. Multiple snoozing allowed, of course.
- A laundry elf. Washed seven loads this weekend and somehow your basket was still overflowing on Monday? I've been there, literally, today. This sweet little laundry elf will make sure all your darks and whites get magically collected, washed, fluffed, folded, and put away in the correct drawers. You just reclaimed at least an hour a day, mama.
- A hands-free, noise-free, self-cleaning breast pump. Is there anything more annoying than the rhythmic whump-whump of a breast pump? Oh yeah, there is. That would be the strapping on and cleaning of said breast pump. This handy invention will literally free up your hands, your ears, and your sanity.
- A padded safe room. It's 2 p.m., your kid refuses to nap, you've already handled a half-dozen meltdowns and another half-dozen spills, and you still haven't had time to shower. That's when the padded safe room comes in. Stick your kid inside — there's nothing that can harm him — and you both get a stress-free time out.
- Coffee and wine on tap. Imagine, it's 6 a.m. or 5 p.m., and that drink you've been craving since your eyes reluctantly opened (or your kid decided to draw on your bathroom walls with red lipstick) doesn't require any work from you beyond the push of a lever. Heaven.
- The perfect babysitter. She's always available, shows up on time, doesn't mind if you're late, and has the house clean and your kids (who she totally adores; they feel the same about her) fed, bathed, and asleep when you get home. Oh, and look at those cute craft projects. A permanent residence is negotiable.
- A hotel room. Spouse, you're not invited. This room, located just a few minutes and a world away from home, is just for mama. A large soaking tub, complimentary room service and wine, and that show she's been dying to binge watch all come included. As an added bonus, upon departure, a cleaning crew will make sure mom's house is just as she left it.
- Someone to wrap all the Christmas presents. Because a tree lined with gift bags just doesn't look the same, but only Martha Stewart has time to make presents look that pretty.