What You Can Do With This
- Be aware of two kinds of consequences: Natural — those that happen without any parental intervention. And logical — those that you impose in response to something the child does.
- First, prepare them for the natural consequences by responding to their cockamamie idea or negative behavior with a "What is your plan?" Then, explore the possible outcomes. Try to direct them to the actions with the most desirable consequences, but allow them to experience the undesirable ones too. As long as they're not life-threatening or too traumatizing.
- Create and institute logical consequences for behaviors that violate household rules or family values. (For example: A logical consequence to them refusing to brush their teeth would be no more eating out of the sugar bag.)
Logical consequences should be carefully considered, and should follow the "5 R's":
- Respectful: Don't shame or physically harm your kids.
- Related to the Misbehavior: Don't restrict TV privileges for playground infractions.
- Reasonable: Get their attention, but don't crush their spirit.
- Revealed in Advance: Whenever possible, tell them, when everyone is calm, what they can expect if they keep up the misbehavior.
- Repeated Back to You: Say, "To make sure we're clear, can you repeat our rule for what happens when you leave your toys out?" Then you can impose the logical consequences (offending toys go on lockdown for a week), knowing that they are fully informed.
Allowing and imposing consequences will make your life easier, but you have to keep up with the MBST, so your kid feels heard and empowered. Otherwise a steady diet of nothing but consequences could turn them into hard-bitten cynics. Like your parents.
