For TikTok's Alicia Mccarvell, Feeling Grief at the Beach "Is a Sign of Success"

Alicia Mccarvell had avoided the beach for years. But now that the popular TikTok creator is on a journey of self-love and acceptance, she's looking back at what she deprived herself of, which she says brought on a wave of grief. In a powerful Instagram post, Mccarvell shared a series of photos from a recent beach day with her husband, Scott. "I am so proud of my journey, and how far I have come but I would be lying to you if I told you it didn't come with grief," she wrote. "I experience this grief every time I do something I held myself back from just a few years ago."

In her post, Mccarvell detailed the beautiful day surrounded by the water, nature, and her partner of 15 years. But she also admitted that no healing process is linear, and it comes with many emotions. Among all the beauty, Mccarvell said, "I was grieving."

"Every time I take a photo, without thinking twice of the result, I grieve the years of my life that I have none. Every time I step on a beach and into the water I grieve the years I spent missing out," Mccarvell wrote. "For me I have joy, and I'm grieving all the years I allowed myself to live without it."

Mccarvell also reflected on a conversation she had with her husband that almost made her "sob right then and there." When she asked Scott how he felt about never going to the beach previously, he said, "I'm your partner, I'm never supposed to make you do things you aren't comfortable with." We've always appreciated their loving relationship, but their unwavering support for each other during these important moments is admirable.

She ended her post with an encouraging message about how these emotions are all part of the process. "Please know that as you learn to live your life for you, as you separate your worth from your body and as you start to allow yourself joy — grief will be there and it's a sign of success." We're grateful to Mccarvell for sharing all the sides that come with self-love and healing.