9 Honest-to-God, Hilarious Thoughts I've Had While Running

Updated on 6/30/2019 at 4:35 PM

POPSUGAR Photography | Sarah Wasilak

If you're a runner, then we already have a lot in common. You have probably worried about whether or not you'll be able to, um, poop before embarking on a long distance. You've absolutely gotten so frustrated with your "stupid running app" and its connection to the GPS that you've almost thrown your phone on the ground. For example, when I'm running in Hoboken, NJ, the service is so bad that I actually talk back to the voice in my ear, informing me of my pace. "Yeah, I'm sure that's my pace," I shout with a sarcastic tone. Seriously, Sarah? People are probably running by me wondering what's up. Like, am I OK? No! I am not. I'm crazy, because all runners are kind of crazy.

Recently, I realized that I should probably share my running thoughts with the rest of the world, because if other people aren't wondering the same things I am, they will eventually. Running a race is even more exciting, and goodness knows that's a whole different ball game. Don't worry, it's not scary; it's actually thrilling, and you feel like you've got more fuel to go off of. For me, that means my thoughts are also racing like never before. Ahead, I've collected images from some memorable runs and detailed my accompanying thoughts in full, without holding anything back. YOLO, am I right?

Waking Up For an Early Start Time

"I get that the sun is out, but maybe it will start to rain suddenly. Like right now. Anytime now would be great. Then I can say, 'Oh well,' and just run later. Even though I won't run later because I'm a morning runner and that's never going to change. Should I just go back to bed and not work out today? Oh sh*t, OK, we're starting. Hang on, let me just pull up my running app because apparently this is really happening."

After I Finish a Race

"Where is my Greek yogurt? I am definitely putting extra honey and nuts on it this morning, and for dinner I am getting boneless wings, and I'm going to eat them all by myself while watching Netflix. Is anyone in the shower? If you're in the shower — Mom! — get out of the shower so I can rinse off the sweat, put on pajamas, and start eating."

Running With a Partner — Any Partner

"I'm 100 percent going to have to fart, and it's nearly impossible to hold in a fart while running. *squeezes butt cheeks to check* Also, I'm nervous that this person is going to be faster than me and I'm going to lose my breath. Is this person just saying he/she wants to go slow but really he/she is secretly a famous varsity-letter-receiving, retired high school runner, aka Usain Bolt? Is Usain Bolt behind me?"

Running Through an Injury

"Something is definitely going on in my right foot. (It was plantar fasciitis.) This is probably going to be my last time running ever. How will I work out? WTF else can I do that helps me release endorphins like this? Should I start swimming? I literally do not know how to swim, and nothing makes me feel as happy as I am right now, even though I'm in pain, so screw that idea. I'm going to run forever, no matter how much it hurts . . . Oh, ow."

Running on a Treadmill

"Sarah, every time you get on the treadmill, you end up hurting yourself because your form is horrible and you're probably going too fast just so you can do the same stupid 20-minute interval routine that is so hard, it makes you feel like you're going to faint. Why do you continue to do this when there's nothing about it that you like? Oh, OK, Taylor Swift just came on, so I can probably make it through one more song."

Running a Marathon or Half-Marathon

"OK, this is a pretty big deal, so I should probably document it and not just focus on the one thing I came here to do. Because I'm a millennial, and millennials multitask. I'm just going to take, like, one selfie and one video of the people behind me. OMFG, totally forgot about hands-free mode. Someone else watch where I'm going for me for a sec."

Finishing a Race With My SO

"Babe, what should we eat after this? Wait, are you going to be alive after this?"

Running in a New Place

"I am stalling this run, because even though I went over the route 25 times in my head and screenshot the directions on the map, I am going to get lost. I'm really nervous that I'm going to get lost, and then I probably won't have enough time to do my hair before brunch. I guess that wouldn't ruin my vacation, though. Not running would ruin my vacation, so let's forget about the hair and get going. Although, this selfie could probably use an emoji. Also a geotag. Also the time stamp, because I know all 1,700 of my loyal followers would want to know exactly what time I started my run. Actually, if I do get lost, this could potentially help someone track me down."

Running on a Sunday

"Mmmk, not really sure how I did that, because I am definitely hungover and/or dehydrated from the three glasses of wine I drank last night and also the two margaritas I had on Friday night. Yeah, I really don't feel so hot and am probably going to lie on the cold floor when I walk into my apartment and just let my cat trample all over me. I wonder if I have any Seamless discounts for the bagel place."