I Tried All the Dating Advice From Harry Potter, and Here's What Happened

In order to replicate Severus Snape’s dating model, I would need to fall in love with my boyfriend during childhood, join a terror group in high school, find out my crush is about to get murdered by the head terrorist, turn spy in order to try and save him, fail to do that, and then spend the rest of my life pining after him while reluctantly keeping an eye on his kid.

Um.

I mean, it’s kind of romantic in a creepy way, but I only have a week to do this experiment, and ain’t nobody got time for that.